I'll be looking forward to reading this! I like stories that go against the stereotypes of fantasy and the classics! =)

This sounds interesting. I like your narrator. She's got a distinct voice. I like how she's very determined to set the record straight.

I'm not sure if you needed this prologue, however. I think you could have had your narrator say the same exact thing in a couple of lines at the beginning of your next chapter. You devoted an entire chapter towards explaining what the story of Cinderella is and repeating several times that the real story isn't like that, but really, the last three paragraphs can do that on their own. As a hook, it might be better just to jump into the story.

For the review marathon! (there's a link to it in my profile).

"It doesn't matter where you grew up, or if you were rich or poor, or even if you had a mother/sister/cousin/aunt/grandma to read you the story. You've heard of it either way." -- I feel that you don't need this section of the prologue because it doesn't add anything to this persuasion approach that you're taking on your story. Rather, I think it gives your story a negative feel because you're listing off different situations of people and it's not something that should be done. Personally, it puts me off because I feel that it's a little stereotypical and you can't nearly list off all the types of people from different backgrounds who have heard the story. Since it's impossible to do such a thing without offending someone, it'd be best to leave it out. Your next "paragraph" connects with the first sentence better than trailing off into a new subject, which that second "paragraph" takes.

"It's an epic tale of love about a girl who beats all odds in order to get her Prince Charming, her big castle and most importantly, her happily ever after." -- I made some changes I felt would make this sentence flow better. Instead of using the word "colossal" to describe the story of Cinderella, I think "epic tale" will suffice; unless you'd like to use something else to describe Cinderella's tale.

"I've never been a supporter of the whole "happily ever after" idea, mainly because I haven't gotten mine and at the rate things are going, I never will." -- I'm not sure if I tried to correct your sentence with another run-on sentence, but this is my suggestion. I took of "particularly strong supporter" because it's a mouthful to say when simply saying "supporter" will do just fine. You have a tendency to overuse description words when you don't need to - remember: keep it simple. It's both easier to write and easier to read. :)

"Whoever wrote Cinderella's story was clearly delusional. Obviously, they didn't know the whole story. Either that, or they were paid hush-money to keep quiet about it." -- I shuffled around some words that you already had and cut out a few other words that I thought were excessive in an attempt to make it flow better. I noticed you use the word "whole" a few times in this prologue to describe anything that pertains to Cinderella's story. Truth be told, the word seems a little old now and repeated use of the word doesn't really work for me.

"It started with the poor, kindhearted girl cleaning up after her rich, snotty stepsisters ... that appealed to everyone." -- I cut out a few more words from this sentence because either 1) the words have already been used earlier in this short prologue or 2) they don't add anything to this piece; in other words, it was cut out because it was excessive.

"But from there, the story goes astray. That's why I'm here - to set the story straight; I'm here to tell the real story. Whether or not you choose to believe me is entirely up to you. Just remember, the next time you read a fairytale, don't believe it right away because you never know if that's the real truth." -- Does this sound better? I'm trying to give you suggestions to give your piece better flow; right now, it feels a little clunky and a bit harsh on the ears. I attached the first sentence to the last paragraph for the story because I didn't feel the need to have it isolated. I also took out the examine part because if you don't know the real story, how do you examine it?

I hope I helped you out with my suggestions. For my last suggestion, I think you should get a beta reader to catch any grammatical errors or just to make sure your story flows well. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and I love the final italicized line at the end.

-silv3rdr34ms
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