I already told you how amazing this was, but I'll tell you again; it was splendiferous! The format didn't come out exactly right, but it's still unique and punch-to-the-face, don't worry. I like the little addition in 'wounds' line too. The only suggestion I would make is to say it outloud without the 'when' in there and see if it still rings for you. I'm not sure if I like it better with or without. Your choice. Anyways, awesome.

i love it. it's short n sweet (or in this case sour) and the format adds to it a lot. nicely done.

Hmm... I like how you make the words go down the side. It adds to the effect of the poem. I just don't know weather to spell them out or say them as one.