GORGEOUS imagery.
That's all I really have to say : )



I would love opinions from a writer like you on some of my work! It would mean a lot!

Excellent imagery and poetic translation of a story. I do have a couple of issues with the punctuation and the flow, though. At the end, the semicolon seems oddly placed. Not a comma? Regarding the flow, I feel that this poem is just a bit unbalanced. Some lines stretch on and on until they kind of fall apart (the longer lines: "Spirals" "splintered" "a winding" "and soldiers"...). I think if these lines were shortened just a bit it would give the poem a slightly more structured, almost-lucid air. With all these tragically beautiful images, one needs a touch of solid sanity as a balance, I think. Either way, a really great poem. I especially love the image of "a winding road in the shadow of the temple of aphrodite" (it physically hurt to type that uncapitalized... gah). Great writing, flow could be tweaked a bit, but very nice overall.

Wow. The imagery in this is just...overpowering, which I think you wanted it to be. I love the description, and the ending was absolutely amazing. I've read this at least three times now and I'm still finding things to get out of it. It's just...fantastic. =]