 Chel Bel 2009-01-19 . chapter 2I must say, I really enjoyed this. I like how you started out the first chapter as a letter to give us some info on the emperor's past, it was really cleverly done. I already love the emperor's personality. His sense of humor really does add a lot to the story, and I like how he doesn't seem like a typical ruler. One thing I did catch was in the beginning paragraph when you said:
...but most the emperor was much more than you’re average king or ambassador: He was Xaven VI
The 'you're' should be 'your'. I also found a few other typos I think around the middle of the chapter. It was nothing big, but you may want to go back and check it over. Overall, I enjoyed this and it was very nicely written. I look foward to seeing what happens next, so update soon! :) |
 Kay K. Dancealot 2009-01-19 . chapter 1this was actually really interesting. In the beginning i was not clear how first he starts talking about a promotion then it switches to his history. It was fun to read the letter since everyone knows that politicians lie, so it was fun to pick out the parts that seemed real and the parts that were iffy, but i felt that the whole thing was pretty honest. Some words you used like "...Anyways" i don't think a monarch would use. This letter was a great introduction to his character! |