|Reviews for Solfina|
| subtleknights1 10/29/12 . chapter 1
This is really good I can't wait to read the next chapter (in the morning) It kind of reminds me of an anime I have seen "Morbito" or something like that, It's very different the only similarity Is a noble child being saved by a woman of lower rank withing a hierarchy. your story a servant saving a boy, Morbito, a bodyguard hired by a queen to frame her sons death and save his life cause he's possessed by a water demon.
Thank you for the privilege to read your writing.
| Timpani 8/25/10 . chapter 4
I did get lost on a few plot points (maybe I skim too fast or something?). It's a lot to swallow in 4 chapters, but I have to admit that I'm impressed by the intricacy of your world here. You keep everything suspenseful and a little mysterious, which is awesome. I have no critiques. And I can't wait for the next chapter. (:
| eiyuang999 5/23/10 . chapter 1
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| Gildersleeve 8/25/09 . chapter 1
Nice! Certainly a very good start to something bigger. This story draws the reader in to a new universe pretty smoothly, which is difficult, so always an achievement. The groundwork is efficiently and interestingly laid for a great story to unfold, with lots of elements holding rich promise. The characters aren't instantly engaging (they aren't meant to be, right at first, are they?), but they grow on the reader.
The main problem I see with this, so far, is in the small details, including spelling and grammar, and including the writer's style. Examples: one climbs 14 flights of "stairs," not "stares." Be careful, too: doubling up on phrases can be too repetitious (as in, "...chased Sirena's heels as she flew off towards the servants' huts. The servants' huts were a cluster ..."); it's boring and should be avoided. I won't bore anyone with nit-picking too many of these, though.
Another example of a small detail that gets in the way a bit: the point is made constantly that Sirena wants to get rid of Dorian as fast as she can. This is presumably to make it less of a surprise when these two part company. Yet it actually telegraphs the opposite: it's obvious that Sirena's future is going to be well-connected to Dorian's future. The author's apparent "denial of the obvious" or "denial of the inevitable" is a trick (aka, a literary device?) for unsophisticated readers, but I suspect most of the readers of this story are pretty savvy, and will find the device banal. (I am perfectly willing to be wrong about this one, though! :-D )
In short: it's worth looking forward to more of this tale, and I'll happily read it as soon as it shows (if it shows, of course!) - but I also look forward to a smoother, more polished writing style, too. Well done, Solfina Pride, and thank you for a good read!
| StarrburstNoodles 1/29/09 . chapter 3
NO! WHAT? *wail* SIRENA! NO ES BUENO!
| StarrburstNoodles 1/29/09 . chapter 2
"If this all ends in a bed, I'll be happy." XD LOL I laughed so hard at that part! Nice chapter; can't wait for more!
| Rockstar with a Vendetta 1/27/09 . chapter 2
Oh, gosh, did Aton betray them ? I don't know how they'll get out of this one, if these men are Voxren.
If you can't tell, I'm totally into this story. The plot just sucks you in. I especially like how you incorporated this fantasy world with a kind of modern era, but it's not a world made up of nothing but computers, which is refreshing. It actually reminds me of early 1900s, late 1800s, and yet somehow medieval. It's amazing.
Sirena is resourceful and resilient, which is likeable, but other than that she doesn't seem to have much substance. I don't really feel involved, I guess is the word.
Dorian I'm a little confused with. When you initially described him, you said he would be an adult by their standards, but I find him acting more like a five-year-old, clinging to her hand and such. This could be contributed to the fact he has lived a sheltered life, but it would help if we knew an exact age.
Also, I wouldn't mind a little more description, like colors and shapes and such. Your grammar is well-written, which makes for an easy read without having to pick through annoying mistakes.
Anyway, I like this already. You've created a very interesting world. Look forward to the next chapter (:
| YoungInside 1/23/09 . chapter 1
In the first paragraph, I didn't like how you kept repeating the word "nobody". It sounded very awkward after a while.
I like how you revealed the setting through Dorian's questions to Sirena. I always had a distaste for stories who give a narrative just like that.
I prefer the ones like yours.
In short, good work.
The storyline so far in very intruiging. Makes me want to know more.
| The Rejection 1/22/09 . chapter 1
Hey! I've added you to the Anti-Elf Society. Welcome, and I hope this gets you some more reviews! We've been needing some fresh blood, and I hope you'll continue to update. We're the fantasy c2 with the most number of subscribers, so this should get you some much-needed attention and support for your story. Good luck!
| StarrburstNoodles 1/22/09 . chapter 1
Wow. Sirena doesn't deal well with kids, does she? XD
I like this. I know you've got the basics down (spelling, grammar, etc), and the plot is promising.
Looking forward to more! Soon! :D
| SandStonesSilk 1/19/09 . chapter 1
Amazing story so far! Its very suspenseful and you're style of writing is really great too, so descriptive and professional.