 Alien Altered 2009-03-23 . chapter 5Adorable. Such a fabulous idea! I can't wait for more! |
 fairytale failure 2009-02-06 . chapter 5I like these. You develop the characters and stories really well using only the contents of their bags. |
 all you need is oxygen. 2009-01-28 . chapter 1i like these.
they give each person personality and an attitude, without even going into what their name is or where they live or what they enjoy doing. |
 Isca 2009-01-22 . chapter 4"The pieces of me that know this is wrong." A girl on the road to an eating disorder :(
"Imminent death." So sad! |
 Isca 2009-01-22 . chapter 3"Ripped condoms." Striking imagery!
"My dignity." A WONDERFUL way to end this chapter! :D |
 Isca 2009-01-22 . chapter 2"A pride bracelet." Short, simple writing, and yet I love how much it conveys to the reader about the speaker's life! Keep up the good work! :) |
 tangerine dreamer. 2009-01-22 . chapter 5i absolutely love these. the one that sticks out to me the most is the escort one. i love the last line, "my dignity: well, i need to keep it somewhere..."
i'm glad you continued this. keep up the great work! |
 rust phoenix 2009-01-21 . chapter 5I'm glad you continued. I love how your narrators have such a variety of voices. This one and the first one are probably my favorites, but I liked them all.
Also: you have amazing skill at titling the pieces. I'm not as sure about the collection title - it's good, but it doesn't have the same originality. |
 softersin 2009-01-21 . chapter 1wow.
this spoke to me.
definietley subscribing! |
 Flies 2009-01-20 . chapter 1Phew, I haven't been here in a long time, but I was sure glad to read this, it was wonderful! I like the concept, and the execution was very well done. I really felt you achieved a purpose with this piece, and I do hope to see more of this sort of style and manner in the future. |
 tangerine dreamer. 2009-01-20 . chapter 1i love the way you've written this. it's so interesting and descriptive, and yet somehow personal. i could see you making a series out of this if you keep writing in this style.
keep it up! |
 Isca 2009-01-20 . chapter 1This is incredibly creative! It's philosophical, and that's saying a lot since the topic is the inside of a bag. You should definitely continue this!
"I'd like to document your existence." PHENOMENAL! :D :D :D |
 Xerophyte 2009-01-20 . chapter 1I like the beginning of this poem a lot, but where it really hits me is the line "to let myself in when you ask me back." From then on, this poem goes from excellent to brilliant. I love the last line, especially. Beautiful work. I cannot think of anything for a critique. |
 JackInk. 2009-01-20 . chapter 1That was very nice, it sounded great. However grammatically, it should be changed. How's this.
10 numbers to names i don’t remember,
and a cell phone from 19 to call them with.
a 50 in a hidden pocket,
and ripped bus passeslong expired.
a disposable camera in case this goes my way:
i’d like to document your existence.
there’s a packet of tissues to wipe the tears for when you say goodbye,
and the key from under your mat to let myself in when you ask me to come back.
a flask of gin to wash your memory from my mind,
and a frayed pink letter to bring it back.
a little broken ipod and piece of my soul,
wrapped neatly in parchment paper. |
 rust phoenix 2009-01-20 . chapter 1this is one of your best pieces. i really like the flow, and i can tell the words have a lot of thought put into them, and the meaning comes across strongly. i like the look of it too, all the numbers. it's interesting. i think some of the words starting off lines could be a bit more original - you might want to move words like 'and' or 'a' up to the end of the line before. |