I like the character, Arielle and how she crosses paths with Orla. I'm interested in seeing how things play out from here.

This is the begining of what seems to be a great fantasy tale with mystery, depth, and drama. I look forward to reading more and seeing how the storyline unfolds as well as discovering more about these characters.

Somehow I knew who it was once you said it was a child. The only problem I have with the first scene is how quickly she goes from hissing at the child to being all soothing. I think a simple paragraph between there showing her transition and maybe her reasoning would help. The second scene was good. A little bit of action was nice. I also like how you made the statement about him being in the army. It gave you a little something to work with, but still keeps things vague enough. Now I am getting into the story and am looking forward to reading more.

It is a little rough as you stated. You introduced two characters and while they both leave questions, they don't seem as poignant as they could be. You might want to tease the reader a little more, get them more involved with the characters so they want to read the next chapter. While I wonder what made Arielle blind and what secrets lay in Edlan's past, those questions are almost forgotten as soon as I finished the chapter. But I'm sure you have something interesting planned.

Well, good description of the scenario here. I really wonder what will happen next. Also I think I can guess who that little kid was in the earlier part. :) I really wonder what will come out of it. And I just have a weird feeling that this one may just end up into a yuri fic from what I've seen here. Hopefully not since I'm more used to the guy x girl kind of romance fic. Anyway I really wonder how you will do the main plot. The whole issue's pretty wide out open. Which to me is a good thing. :)

And yeah, hope to see your review for Circles of Arven soon. I remember you did review it, but I forgot where you've stopped. :S And just one review for it will do since if you heed my plea to review the latest chapter of The Elven Chronicles, that will be two reviews together and I know about your reviewing policy. :)

Herro there! Me again. :) Well glad to review your new stuff here. But for some weird reason, I don't think this will be your top priority fic. Anyway, first things first, the setting of this chapter is quite well done with the background information on the conflicts. Also the latter part of this chapter could serve as a good potential springboard to the future plot. In fact I was wondering if Orla was actually Arielle.

If there's anything I can nit-pick on, it would be again the lack of character description as like the rest of your stories. But then again, it could be your style. Just that to me, a good description of a character can go a long way in having the reader a deeper impression. :)

Also another thing is that I think you could have flesh out the current conflict between Arielle's people and the other tribes. imo it's rather vague so the readers might not have a deep impression on it. You might want to work on that if you want to make this background information as an aspect of the plot. Apart from that, nothing to say.

And yeah, I've just found out that you've actually review another of my works entitled The Elven Chronicles up till the second most updated chapter. Meaning there's still one more for you to review atm. Hope to see your review for it soon! ^^ Bye! :)

Hm...very interesting...One thing I want to point out, though. In the second paragraph, Arielle describes herself as being brown-haired and green-eyed...how would she know? Also, if my suspicion is right and Arielle is really Orla, then...you might want to check the fifth-to-last paragraph, where Orla is described to have curly black hair.

Oh! Poor Edland... Tell me, is Arielle really Orla? ^_^ A wonderful start, though you might want to proofread this one more time, as there are a few mistakes. Other than that, I love it!

A very nice begining to a very interesting story. I won't comment on your spelling or grammer,I wouldn't know a mistake if it bit me. I really do like it though and I hope you continue.

One question, am I to assume Orla and Arielle are one and the same? I got that impression but I wasn't sure.

Yikes. Someone died. Definitely. Hehe, sorry, I didn't get it Arielle was blind in the beginning. T.T

Excellent chapter, though. The description at the beginning was nice and when Arielle got attacked by that child, great. It's always so nice to have blind characters, because the reader is never sure of other characters descriptions and they're just as in the dark as the main character. I really like how you conveyed that blindness. XD

Uhm, otherwise, it was good. Poor Edland, out there looking for his daughter and thinking she got killed and picked clean by crows. o.O Hopefully Orla will be returned to him within due time. ;)

Velvet.

Blind? Nope, missed it completely. I'm glad I had that particular piece of information going through this chapter though, it certainly helped.

Aw, Arielle's all nice and stuff. Although, apparently she has a reputation of the opposite.

How old is Orla? From the first chapter I got the sense that she's a very loud toddler. upon reading this chapter, I was constantly wondering how one loses a toddler like that in a manor that big. The only conclusion I could come to was that she was kidnapped.

Backstory...please? I'm dying here!
8.Black

She's still alive! *cheers in joy* You've been gone for an ever amount of time, but I'm glad you have returned with a new story, though I miss Immortain. T.T

This one is good, though. The break between Arielle and Edland sort of made me lean back in surprise, but all the rest is awesome.

I feel bad for Arielle, considering her heritage and ancestory, but I guess she has to make a living despite all that. I know that somehow, Orla, Edland, and Arielle are going to be connected, but the outcome is still a mystery.

There was only one mistake I noticed: "kill anyone who met her harm . . ." Met should be meant. That's it. Good job with this story, I like it already. Don't be gone too long! :P

Velvet.

A new one? What, no more Immortain?

All right, two story lines. Arielle seems nice. Her wording in the palm reading was especially cool, although I'm betting Yole was going to believe whatever came out of her mouth.

As for Edland, we've got the penitent male hero-type. And he's a father figure too. Now, we need to find out what happened, and also why you specifically described his chest.

You might want to add a horizontal ruler or some other thing to mark the shift between Arielle's scene and Edland's. I had to reread the shift a few times before I understood that we were in a separate place now.

In medias res...yay. Hurry up and get out the massive backstory parts.

Short though...needs more,
8.Black