wow, this story is awesome:)
you should contuie it, its quite good. the description is incredible. i felt like i was reading something straight out of a science fiction novel. and no, im not just saying that.

this is so intriguing! i loved the description, just wish it was longer. this is a very good story.

wow. i had to read this story again since you haven't updated in so long...I'm liking it so far! jeez kate, can you write =]still keeping us hanging and you just provided about 100 more quesions. still, things are becoming a bit clearer i guess...is Eden a perfect society where people are constantly patrolled and crime and rebellions instantly srushed as to avoid trouble? where ppl are forced to be perfect? just wondering. and looks like Lilith DIDN'T die...hmm...

well, you know the drill. do I even need to tell you? i think I'll break a record and go one entire review without saying the U word. but you know what will happen if you don't...LUNCH TORTURE! MUAHAHAHAHA!

"And to me, that’s all that really matters. It’s on the outskirts of Eden, the fringe of an obedient society, that you find people like him."--That's a really amazing line, best line in this chapter, I really liked it.

I'm not 100% positive what's actually happening in this chapter, but that's okay! I liked it because of the language you used, like my example above, you have a real gift at giving good comparisons and metaphors, even if that was meant to be more literal (I think Eden and Genesis are real things in this story?) If so, you still did a really good job explaining the characters in such a small amount of time, the development was well done. I also liked your description of the needle or the detachment of whatever was going on in the first part. It was very descriptive but not only descriptive towards what was happening to the character, but also how he was feeling, which was really great, it annoys me when people don't stick to their characters, but you did a really good job describing how he felt detached and sort of miles away while still wanting to "smile" or "laugh", it really gave the reader insight on his development. Great chapter, though it was a little short :S

One word.

Epic.

Wow, I love it, it is a really captivating story so far; it makes me want to know what will happen next.

A suggestion? I know I am hardly the person to say this, but I find it helps if you write longer chapters. That way, your train of thought helps the story move along if you are having troubles writing.

TL;DR: Great job so far, and I look forward to the next chapter.

1357-YoshiLink

holy crap katie-kins! that was freaking amazing!! I'm not even exaggerating, I think that was like the best chapter you've ever written, and I still don't even know what you're talking about! but thats so good!! and long too! I'm so proud of my little katie-kins!! growing up into bigger, longer chapters! and keep writing everyday and post A LOT! I actually love this new non-writers-block-katie-kins much better than the old one, no offense old-writers-block-every-day-katie-kins. but lemme just sat it again: that chapter was so good! I felt like I was actually reading something from a published book. no joke, it was better than a published book! katie-kins! you gotta finish this story and then like get it published or something! it's amazing! so keep writing and posting and writing this awesome story and posting this awesome story and writing more and posting more and...yah you get the point. so keep writing this awesome story! and I'm soosoosoo jealous, I wish I could write as good as you!! ok, well my long review of rambling on and on about your great writing skills and overall greatness is all over now! I know, you probably wish I would praise you more, but oh well. bed time! soo write more, post more, and yah thats basically it. eat, sleep, write. WRITE MORE! like A LOT MORE!! ok thanks bye =]

wow this actually very intriguing! i'm a bioshock fan myself, can't wait for bioshock 2 in september, but this isn't quite the same. i mean, bioshock had plastic surgery and crazy doctors and a city in need of help, but this is definitely different, and i can't wait to read more :) i will check out some of your other things in a bit.. if the writing is as good as this, with storylines that catch my attention in an instant, then they should be great, too :) keep up the terrific work!!

Like it! I like the whole 'Old tales turned on their heads' thing, and this is a great one. As someone said (ages ago) it's obvious there are big plans for it, but you've kept the first bit short and sweet.
Short and sweet chapters are the best to read I find, but you certainly packed a lot into this short bit.
I approve ;D
Mistakes:
Just a very simple one. You spelt very 'vary' in the sentence 'the vary least'. I do that all the time :P

i can tell that you've got a lot planned for this story and because of that, I'm glad to see that you already have the second chapter posted. It is short, but I feel that, for this particular chapter, it's a very good thing. If the chapter were any longer, you might have droned on and made little sense to the point where you lost the reader's curiosity.
I'm also glad that you kept up the present tense very well, without switching back and forth to present and past - I know I'd have my fair share of difficulties if I tried to write a story like this - especially since most present tense stories are very distasteful (for lack of a better word) to me. This is one of the stories I find worth reading. Keep writing!

Damn, you had me at the first word to the last. I love your story already.

"Because Eden isn’t perfect, it isn’t safe, and it isn’t Yankee Doodle at the apocalypse. It’s the violin with its strings pulsing to the fervently ominous rhythm of the bow, way after the death of millions. It’s a melody that’s getting louder, stronger, darker... and yet most of the population can’t hear a thing."

That was my favorite part. Brilliant, truly brilliant. Great description and your characters already have a voice of their own.

Wow, that's an attention-grabbing first chapter indeed. I really like your descriptions, and can't wait to read more.

Hope to hear from you again!

dude this is the first time i logged in since like... forever haha
KATE why are you writing yet ANOTHER story? is it going to be like this on our fanfiction account? tsk tsk tsk
anyway, i like it :p
UPDDATTE
-YOUR MOM (oh burn)

Your narration is incredible! The Yankee Doodle line at the beginning of the first chapter really grabbed me.

I love the use of Adam and Eve and Lilith, I love how the reader has very little idea what's going on yet. This is really masterfully written, and I would say that it's a shame your chapters are so short, but I think the chapter length actually suits your style and the story very well.

I'm definitely intrigued. Update soon!

Oh, this is good so far! I'm normally not really a huge fan of scifi, but you've really captured my interest with this. You have a nice style, and a wonderful way with words. The decriptions are really good. The only mistake I caught was near the end: “That’ll be a few more phases at the vary least,” I think you meant 'very' instead of 'vary.' Overall, though, nice job. I look foward to reading more :)

I like it) Very...suspenseful and well written. You're really a great writer. It kind of reminds me of the book "Unwind". The story lines are completely different, but maybe it's just the sci-fi thing.
Just please tell me that you're not going to be making fun/putting down the Bible. I wouldn't be able to read something like that. I'd be a shame, too, because I really think that you've got talent.
Write on!