 GirlySocks29 2009-10-23 . chapter 2More! More! More! |
 brave Anon 2009-07-28 . chapter 2 So far, entertaining. I would have to read a few more chapters to understand the plot and hopefully, the villain or whoever the antagonist is. But right now, I'm already interested. |
 BKM 2009-06-29 . chapter 1 Nice start to the story. Definitely an intriguing beginning that left me wanting more. It seems like you're trying to do something interesting and different with a genre that's difficult to do something fresh with. Congrats for that.
The mechanics of the writing were fine, but I think you need to show more and tell less. The info about the thief would have been more effective if we were getting inside his head or seeing something that let us piece together what his life is like. Instead, the narration lays it all out, and it seems a bit heavy handed.
Getting inside one character's head for this entire piece probably would have made it more effective. I felt a bit distanced by the almost omniscient POV.
Hope this helps. Like I said, you're off to a fine start. |
 softest touch 2009-01-23 . chapter 1Really loved this first chapter.
I like how you only told us a bit about the Aidan, and left us guessing as to what will happen next.
Can't wait for the next one. :) |
 Amani 2009-01-22 . chapter 1 If this is how you have the male lead, then I'd LOVE to see how you do the female lead. A doctor, you say? Hm... |
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