i am completely and truly stunned.

Wow. That's so gory, but beautiful at the same time. I love the realization that the girl is "nothing like a daydream." That's wonderful. Sometimes the fantasy is better than the real thing. Well, in most cases it is. Lovely work. Keep writing! :)

you paint a picture.

Thanks for your review awhile back. I'm sorry it took me so long to return the favor.

"Someone's screaming, and it sounds nothing/like a concerto note.".. I didn't really like that description. Why would a scream sound like a concerto note? I think describing what the scream actually sounded like or say it sounded nothing like something you would expect a scream to sound like would be better.

Other than that though I think your descriptions were really beautiful. They were creative and powerful. I loved the part about her goosebumps and her spine. That was really great. I also think you used line breaks creatively too. I liked the ending, I expected it to be happy so this was interesting.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!

Wow this poem is really excellent. I especially love, "She is velvet, she is/freesia smelling hair and she is a candle." The format is not usual (at least to me) but it's best this way. It's as if you don't want to tell this story in an organized fashion, the uneven lengths of the lines make it appear that you're feeling too much to have time to do much more than tell the story. I'm rambling, hahah. Good job :D

Oh, I love the imagery of the woman's back as a harp; that's divine!

"A snowflake crashing." WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW! :D :D :D

The atmosphere is so vivid; well done!

-Isca

This is the perfect snapshot of a moment. I love the lack of perfection in the girl. It makes it that much more beautiful.

this is great, you really know how to work an atmosphere

this is really just great!