The end confused me a bit, but this was really good.

It was interesting and kept my attention.

This chapter was short, but it was the first chapter so that's not a problem at all.

I didn't notice any grammatical errors or anything so good job. :]

-Jessie m p.s. pay it forward

whoa, that's intense... blood everywhere... but pretty concise for something published on fictionpress, which is good. i really like the way "black" has a line to its own (but that doesn't mean you should do that in every single chapter! it was just perfect right then.)

if you make the heroine a vampire, you will play into a million cliches. please don't. it's a very promising story.

jaynat.