slam poetry is pretty awesome.
like beat poetry, yeah?

anyway, this is cool, what you've done. I like it.

i love how you use the language; my only
complaint (too strong, that word) is how
it lapses intermittently into being too
literal, but prob that's to convey the
message lucidly in a spoken piece; i doubt
that's necessary, though. for pete's sake
keep writing and evolving and i hope grow
more stylized to project your singular pov
on this too mechanical world. yay.

it's very beautiful and tragic at the same time. i've never heard a story (on here)from this perspective. good job for being unique.