Nice story, didn't get a chance to finish the previous one unfortunatly, but i still really enjoyed this one. Please post if you get the published too, it will be worth buying, or at least thats my opinion. and again great story.

Entertaining story thus far, but I did expect Teshi to play a more significant role somewhat given he is mentioned in the very title of this story. He seems to be sharing the attention with just about everyone else in this story.

I love Teshi

Long time coming, but good. when can we expect the next chapter? how is the publishing going? I liked how they assumed the reason they wanted Baldor was because he was 'pure in heart'. I kinda wanted to see a bit more emotion from Ordarnis, precisely because it is rare for him to show emotion. Minus Teshi and Jade there was very little emotion to the chapter... but then again, you do need an explanitory chapter

This did make up for the long wait. I almost forgot about this story in the time between updates, because I've been kinda busy with other stuff, so when I saw the update alert, it was twice as neat to read the chapter because I got to refresh myself on the world and characters and plot.

I liked Ordarnis's conversation with Teige, as well as the first scene with Jade and Teshi. Oh, and the way Ordarnis doesn't plan on rescuing Jade and Teshi, but plans to get the Throne eyes back because he knows Jade can handle it. Especially liked that, actually.

Typos/corrections:
" Ordarnis started towards the door to his sanctum so he could sen(d) a messenger (to) free Elanor."

"Waiting for him were Torsten, Linwood and (a) handful of soldiers from the Legions of Terror."

"The soldiers who aren’t seeing to the
causalities (casualties?)"

"You’re upset because you think you go(t) the boy killed."

"The spies were monitoring the situation to the best of the(ir) abilities."

"“I know!” Baldor said indigently (indignantly?).

"If this (is) how being nice to the servants is rewarded, I’m glad Jade is taking over."

"This is going to wreck (reek) havoc on my list."

Thanks for writing,

Ashe

yay! great long chapter! I did a double take when I saw you guys had updated. happiness!

Chapter! Yes! Even better, a long chapter. Squee!

Just a couple quibbles: the dialogue felt very infodumpy and unnatural in places. Also, I think the pacing could have been slowed down a bit. As is, it's one thing right after the other after the other.

Other than that, I enjoyed reading about the aftermath of the attack. I also liked how Ordarnis reacted when he couldn't find Teshi with the wall. It was a nice window into his character.

I hope the next chapter doesn't take as long. XD

I was so excited to see this story! I had hoped that Comic Relief would be continued. While Overlord started a bit more gradually and built up the characters, this one throws you right in. The plot is progressing quickly which keeps it exciting. I adore Linwood’s wife, she seems like the only kind of woman who could deal with him. I also like how you continue to invert the fantasy stereotypes, with Monthau’s trusted lieutenant a former hero out for revenge. Hordr’s a great villain for this story, with Monthau giving us a chance to see how Evil Overlords who don’t follow the list fail. I’m going to guess that the giant shinny doom machine also contains a large self-destruct button. I’m looking forward to the next chapter!

The only thing that confused me in this chapter is that they--Jade, Teshi, Clark, the Dutchess and their guards--seem to have gotten separated (or something). I guess it confused me because we didn't actually see it happen, since Clark blacked out before the fight ended.

Also, you keep spelling 'closet' 'closest.' Other than that, another great chapter.

Ashe

Aw, you're doing everything right. ;)

Especially liked Linwood and his wife's conversation--made me laugh.

Great job,

Ashe

I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I've always enjoyed the fact that the best, toughest night guard is blind. I don't know why I haven't said anything before, but that's always made me grin--many people characterize blind people as wimpy or clingy or helpless, so finding a character (even if only mentioned) who isn't that way was really awesome.

I was kind of bummed to find that the Papa isn't with the Public Advisors anymore--which is odd, considering he never really did much in Overlord. Maybe it was 'cause he was always there in the meetings and you kind of got used to him. Oh well. Anyway, I never even thought about the fact that the Papa would only be a five-year-old child for one year ... LOL.

Good job

Ashe

Good old maniacal laughter. By now--after reading the first story--it almost deserves its own capital letters. ;)

The only thing I found wrong was that you've been spelling "scarred" wrong--with one R instead of two.

Other than that, I love it, as usual. :)

Ashe

Holla!
I had the WEIRDEST dream about this. I dreamed that I was in the library and saw the "Chronicles of an Evil Overlord" published book sitting on the shelf. So I checked it out. Then I went through this obstacle course-like adventure quest thingy, all while holding onto your book. It was weird.
I lovelove this new one! I really like Teshi! (What's so weird about his name anyway?) I told his joke to my friends, and they just looked at me and said, "I don't get it." So I shunned them for about five minuters.
I love the return of Clark...
Aw, no. Come on. I just realized where you got the last name "Tenek" from. I can understand why you didn't want to say "Tnek".
Anyhoo, I loved the return of Clark. I can't wait to see Teshi be a jester for the nobles. I hope he'll have fun... :)

Very entertaining start indeed. I'm very pleased you managed to mix characterisation with wit and humour. An excellent start, and I will certainly read more.

My lovely long review... eaten... T_T

In short:

Love how we're learning more about Ordarnis' and Baldor's pasts. Also love how Baldor is getting his share of the spotlight this time around.

Edwin! I was so sad when you guys killed him off, even though he'd only been around for a chapter (not even?). I hope we'll be seeing more of him and Ordarnis' brother; the latter seems like quite the character.

Hordr makes a great antagonist. He's got motives (which I'm to know) /and/ he's competent. Love. X3

I can hardly wait for Monthau to be defeated. It is only a matter of time, I think, considering that he's POed Ordarnis, Jade, and Hordr. XD

I wonder what mischief Jade and Teshi will get up to. I also wonder if the Duchess knocked Clark out with the door to the Weapons Closet...

So, yes, great work so far. I await the next chapter impatiently!