This was a really powerful piece. The ending was especially effective :) I liked teh descriptions and teh contrast between teh humanity and inhumanity in it. The one CC i had was that when you describe the groupings of students in the beginning, you group the reader out of the hispanic, asian and African American groupings; that could alienate some people needlessly. needlessly, because you could rewrite it so that you name all the groups, and thus don't specify which group the narrator belongs too? The reader can then insert themselves automatically into the story, regardless of background...? Dunno if that's making sense. Anyway, congrats on a nice piece of work!

Oh. My. Gosh.
This was so, so intense.
Powerful, moving, and painful.
Amazingly well written.
I thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it was so vivid.
All the best,
Kayla

The first chapter to this fictional story is interesting, sudden, vivid and violent, unfortunately far too often reflective of our real society. This chaptive leaves me curious and wondering how and what the next chapter will be like. I suppose that is the intend of the author? However, without having the author's introductory comments on this story i am left with a lot of questions such as, is there a leading character to this fictional story, a theme or perhaps a purpose.
Looking forward to your next episode/chapter.