I did enjoy it. It made me think of a show I saw, ‘warriors’ I think it was called, about UN peacekeepers in Yugoslavia, and all the stuff they just had to watch because they weren’t allowed to do anything, and how shattering that was for them. How every time they tried to intervene, the fact that they had to follow a set of rules when no one else did meant they were essentially powerless. So, yeah, a really complx and interesting topic, and I love the concept of the employee confronting the boss.

A lot of description in your first paragraph – ultimately, too much for my liking. It would have been improved for me with just plain less, or if the description was linked to his bureaucratic tendencies. “He was an old balding man in his early fifties and was expected to retire within year.” Was great because it did this, it started to build up my expectations for the guy. “He had short grey hair behind his ears, and his eyebrows were thick and silver.” Did nothing for me, it really didn’t tell me anything useful about him – we already know he’s old. Maybe if his eyebrows were in a particular expression, or his hair was cut by an exclusive salon, or by his stay-at-home wife, or something… I don’t know. I quite liked the descriptions of his skin colour and baldness , that was captivating imagery, but again, if linked to emotion or psychology or something would be even better. and maybe spread through the piece a little. It's nice to have the scene set, but i didn't need to know everything straight away.

Likewise with the third para, a lot of ‘which was’s. it had the effect of slowing down the start of the story, but because I hadn’t got the ‘hook’ yet, it wasn’t building suspense as much as tedium – sorry, that sounds really mean. Maybe you were playing on the tedious nature of bureaucracy? ;)

The dialogue is great, realistic, snappy, and flows well. Nice summing up of Sierra Leone – vivid and to the point.

“How would he feel if it was his family being killed by a reckless army.” Reckless seemed a bit watered down compared to the nice abrupt, in your face descriptions of the last para. ‘reckless’ makes me think of a teenager doing a funny stunt on his skateboard or something.

“He paused before answering, as if he was a parent trying to think of how to tell their child Santa Claus doesn't exist.” I loved this, but it contrasted with the ‘irritated edge’ he gets as he says it. I would have thought he would be smiling a little, maybe a little patronizingly, to go with the santa claus ref.

I like how he completely refuses to engage in her issue, and tries to tell her there are other more important things. His disinterest and objectivity contrasts well with her passion, empathy and subjectivity. This could be further emphasized in the conclusion, by her deciding to do something more in line with her ideals than just think about getting a new job. E.g., she could finger her airticket to sierra leone, something like that? Hope I’m not being too nitpicky :} I just really liked this concept and would love to see it delivered with just a little more punch. Thanks for a great read!