very nice chapter.

awesome loved it

very cool i can't wait to read more

Loved it, i can't wait to read the next chapter. *giggles*

awesome, totally loved it!

So I'm kinda getting a twilight vibe here. You know... the mysterious hero (more than likely a vampire) swoops in to rescue his secret love from a group of horny men.

"I dark figure flew out of no where and broke the man’s neck."

"I" should be "a."

"I figure in a black trench coat, dark hat, and long hair turned down the ally and ran out of site."

"I" should be "a" and "site" should be "sight."

"Sitting there wondering who my savior was, I wanted to find them and thank them for saving my life."

You should change "savior" to "saviors" and "was" to "were" and add "realized I" in between "I" and "wanted." And maybe even change the begginging of that sentence to "As I was sitting there."

I dunno, just fix that sentence and you're good. This story looks like it could turn out okay, depending I guess on how you go about it.

Nice, were it sounds like it will be very interesting.