oh sad. but very nice imagery. i like the second to last stanza. for some reason this poem make me picture a desert right before a rain storm. very cool.

the last line feels alittle strange. maybe if you took out the "oh". i dunno. other than that it was great.

This is very lovely [:

I adore your metaphors; the idea of secretly picking up pieces of broken dreams is so innocent and sad and beautiful.

And trying to see past a literal smokescreen of thoughts.

I also like your few rhymes - they seem last minute, but they fit. They aren't consistant, but it works out.

Great job with this [:

_

Katie

O i really like this. i cant tell you specifically why but i really do. Its really good lol