Aw this is so sweet and wonderfully written! Enjoyed it.


I would love opinions from a talented writer like yourself on my work, it would mean a lot to me!

The part about "juxtaposition flavors, peach and desperate" really drew me in because the first line (no offense, really) is a little cliche and then, wow, those two lines were so amazingly creative, especially because one wouldn't expect the words "peach" and "desperate" to be next to each other. It was refreshing.

And I loved the entire last stanza for the phrase "touchable beauty" and how you didn't describe typical things like beautiful blue eyes. Your descriptions made the scene very real for me.

Thank you for writing this and sharing!

Oh, this so so cute! The descriptions are great. My favorite is the last stanza - nice use of enjambment there! The first line of that stanza has six syllables, though, not five.

I really like this poem, it's original and short, but effective. Especially liked this part: "Unsymmetrical
features make me look longer;
crooked retainers," as it shows that he appreciates her for her natural flaws and human beauty. The stanzas flowed really well, I think mainly because you set up the haikus just about perfectly. Really unique and simple, straight to the point. Nice work! :)

I really liked the originality in this four-part Haiku. I've never seen Haiku arranged like a story, and I loved how each Haiku smoothly connected to the one before and after it.

I especially love the last two Haiku.

"Unsymmetrical
features make me look longer;
crooked retainers"

I enjoy the substance of the reader, and how he isn't shallow, but appreciates her faults, and thinks that distinguishes her and makes her special.

"canker sores, uneven
lip rings. Touchable beauty.
I should say hello."

I wonder if by 'touchable beauty' he means he actually has a chance with her. Is that what that phrase means?

I love this, Julia darling. (: And maybe I'm crazy but isn't "canker sores, uneven" six syllables?

this is really great, you handled the subject matter so skillfully. i love the second stanza especially

Aw, this is so cute! Of course you've never written anything that wasn't FAR beyond my ability and yet I have reviewed so much of your work and I should really just stop because I've had nothing helpful to say this whole time. This is lovely.

Love,
~Dia

Wow. I don't read the titles of poems at first, I peruse the content. Then the ending; I should say hello is really contrasting. And then I realized the title.
I love the format and how it's a short simple poem, like the mind of a child.

do say hello but don't be creepy about it. I take the bus and I'm glad to talk to ppl. Start out with something like "Man this bus is taking 4ever and it's SO cold" that's a good way to get ppl talking. bitching about how much you hate the bus.

'Tis quite an interesting haiku to say the least. 'Tis not what I normally find in poems which is a good thing. I like it. Well done! =)