I like the title, I can totally see this as lyrics, nice work.

loved it

This is very good. I especially like-

And I know, I know
there’s got to be
something more than constantly
breaking into pieces
over every little dream

-very good.

I really wish that I were able to pick out the melody that you have in mind for this song because although I can imagine one myself, I doubt thst it's the one you have in mind. Again, nice work with this. I think it's very good.