|Reviews for Across the Seats|
| heartbreak warfare 2/8/09 . chapter 1
youu are a really good writer ]
where are they/how old? hopefully you adress that in the next chappie
but this sounds really good so far, cant wait to read more!
| SkyArk17 2/8/09 . chapter 1
Although I see nothing too wrong with anything in particular, I must say that I feel that it is devoid of any personal touch. I have seen many stories with the same concept behind this, but they always add small personal touches that make theirs unique to at least some degree.
It was just too short for any development or depth at all; why not tell the background of why the guy is depressed? Why not show how those two started talking in the first place? Add something to make the story have depth instead of just the problem, solution, and then nothing more!
Besides that though, I felt that the f-word was random, considering the tone of the story... "Rat's ass" was okay to me because it was a feeling the girl felt, but the f-word had no use. You could have used other words, like "so" or just left it out altogether, as the exclamation mark would have done the job anyway.
Besides all faults, I also liked many parts of it. It was done clean, concisely, and compacted. No grammar or spelling errors I could find, and I understood the situation perfectly. The beginning and end fitted quite well and the way you did things with the dialogue and descriptions were fantastic. You have great potential.