 Devon Pitlor 2009-08-24 . chapter 1Another compelling sketch...no plot, of course, but the narrator's character is clear, as is the guilt for succumbing to "the peer pressure vampire" and thereby disappointing someone with "watery" eyes. The "you did" at the end is an unexpected reversal of guilt, and I liked it. Good character building, as usual. Now is the time, maybe, to DO something with these excellent characters. Think about incorporating all of them into one single adventure-type episode. Just a thought. Nice work. |
 Dale Christopher 2009-02-19 . chapter 1Very well done with the outpouring of emotion. This was incredibly sad and probably the most truthful representation of teenage angst I've ever read. I loved your metaphors, they were very well thought out and suited the tone of the story very well.
As always, your writing lets the reader feel like the experience has happened to them and you're bringing up an old memory rather than just reading about someone else. That's a pretty damn good talent, in my opinion. |