heya frizzle :) the time has been well worth it, i really like the story :) really good plot so far! dont have time to read the rest tonght but i think its excellent so far, seriously! keep up the writing. xoxox

Hm. I'm curious on what Kyle might do next. I'm guessing he has several powers and, like this chapter, there will be more obstacles to challenge each specific power. Or maybe it's all a dream =P. No, don't make it a dream. Continue making it interesting. By the way, Chapter 5 on Yours Truly is up =).

Your writings improving but I'd just have to say that format wise its hard to read. You need to seperate your paragraphs more because otherwise it just looks like blocks of words. Still needs work of course, but its getting better

Ok, first off you should probably seperate sentences of dialogue because it makes it easier to read (I told you this would be a mostly critical review right?). What's with the 'he was muscular, very muscular. He was dark, very dark'? And last but not least you shouldn't change POVs, it gets confusing especially when the conversation between the men slows down the action and suspense. There is good work here, it just needs some editting

Great start! I love the fact that you have a character named Heru. In my novel that i'm working on, i have a character named Heru and i love him. haha.

The start of this was very descriptive, but she seemed...very standard, if you get wat i mean. In her physical characteristics, there wasn't really much that set her apart from any other 'hot sexy blond haired girl,' though it seems that she's definitly got something different in her personality. Maybe you could reflect that in your future descriptions of her appearance. Just a suggestion. Overall great stry!

-Kaitrin

Excellent story. And I wanted to like Evangeline too =(. Oh well. And the cliff hanger? Eh, it seems he just might be okay, but...I'm still curious. What power will Kyle demonstrate? I have to say; this holds a lot of potential =).