|Reviews for miracle|
| Little girl Big world 12/29/09 . chapter 3
Again a powerful last line, something that stays with you.
Good descriptions, nice formatting :)
| Little girl Big world 12/29/09 . chapter 2
The last two lines were powerful.
I like the bolding on strong but found it a bit over done after that.
| Little girl Big world 12/29/09 . chapter 1
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 7
The first stanza didn't make sense to me. Her in a white dress and him in a dark long sleeve shirt isn't ironic. If it was black and white and maybe a short sleeved or strapless dress and long sleeves, maybe that would be ironic.
Seems odd that she would play with hands while talking... Who interlocks hands with a friend of the opposite sex while talking unless A you're interested or B one of you is gay. You make it seem like this is what she always does.
Really sweet ending. I like the relationship that is developing between the two of them and the way you have it begin is sweet, but not cliched. nice job.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 6
I like the first stanza. It's pithy and relateable. The only thing I didn't get was why do you say that was how it had to be. I mean they could go on the double dates or hang out after school. It seems more like it was a choice since it was easy.
Also, what happened to the fall ball? Or the double dates? How come they're not seeing each other except for the party? I would Either get rid of that part in the last piece or explain when the fall ball was or something.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 5
This isn't really great as far as writing goes, but it was a nice advancement to the plot. We're finally seeing how the boy and girl chapters fit together.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 4
"she was ready to make a life-time"... lifetime
What would a lifetime commitment to God be? She was going to become a nun? That doesn't seem to fit. That part confused me.
I didn't like the ending either. How can it be time to meet the boy? The tone of that is more like and omnipotent (is that the right word?) narrator, which is not the feeling I've gotten from the other chapters.
I did like the line about her breaking. That was a powerful line and it worked very well by itself.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 3
Again here the parts you bolded didn't really seem to need it. I like the description of the girl. It does make me want to know more about her. I liked where you put all the words together, that was a nice formatting thing. Only the girl didn't sound snobby to me. I also liked that last line, seems like it might be foreshadowing.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 2
"blame for his father's marriage divorce."... don't like the word marriage. Divorce implies marriage. This way just sounds awkward to me.
Don't like this chapter as much. I think you went a tad overboard with the bolding. I also don't get it. You say he's a failure, but then talk about the ways he's not a failure. You say he knows he'll never be on top after high school (which honestly seems like an unlikely thought to begin with...), but then at the end you said maybe the life wouldn't last, which is contradictory.
I did like the beginning though. That definitely added to the characterization of him and I like how you say "he was just a boy." It made a great point.
| simpleplan13 3/9/09 . chapter 1
"of those more developed then he."... than
Great beginning. It definitely gets the reader's attention. I also think bolding of in love worked well. The ending hints that there's something more to this character, which makes me want to read on.
| Elephant-Artist 3/8/09 . chapter 7
This is very good poetry. I like the idea behind it. Please review my stuff. see how you like it. I have like 4 or 5 poems on my account so enjoy.
| shadow-of-a-trackless-sea 3/2/09 . chapter 7
I think you could deffinently turn this into a novel or something, I really like how you simplified things down to a manner in which it is easier to understand )