I FOUND A MISTAKE! HAHA! You put 'despite having s lifestyle' instead of 'despite having a lifestyle'! IN YOUR FACE! REVISED IT A THOUSAND TIMES MY **! AND ANOTHER! When the guy asks if she's Ebony Heartbeam, you forgot to add the T! HA! TWO MISTAKES!

I didn't read this part before. You added the part with her parents and everything, didn't you? Since you're so sensitive, I'll admit it: the story was a pretty good start.
~Grey