Your best reviewer returns, **. You know you love me.
Yeah I died - well thats a bit of a lie. Basically you either didn't responnd to my last review or I didn't get a response, which I have learnt actually murders my will to review So I went off in a sulk.
I've actually started putting that at the bottom of all my reviews now so that people know that if they don't respond I'll stop.
Tis scary.
Anyway, yes! Moving on!
The phrase "The fun is always in the chase" or whichever variation of that you happen to prefer, springs to mind as you have killed hte chase my friend. Pretty much out of nowhere but whatever I can understand it happening. Anna says I love you. I hope there will be roadblocks because yeah...
Gimmie a few minutes I'm not quite in the swing of this yet.
RIGHT! We need the Opponent. With a capital 'O'! Josh is basically god, but evil and doing jack shite. Anna's now in love with him, Safia's a bit too perfect and Hussain is STILL ** alive.
God I hate that kid.
Haha punny.
Yes, so we need the rival, the big bad or something to that extent. Currently there is almost nothing that could possibly come between Anna and Josh and nothing that is a possible threat. Ugh how do I explain this, umm: if this were a normal fic then I'd advise death-by-Hussein and have him kiss Anna and Josh see it.
Problem: It would take Josh all of 2 seconds to read Anna's mind and find out what really happened.
So, next I would advise have Josh kiss Anna and someone see, therefore causing widespread AnnaBashing throughout the school.
Problem: It would take Josh all of 2 seconds to 'fix' it like he did everything else.
So then I would say: Have Safia fall for Josh.
Problem: It would take Josh all of 2 seconds to rewire her - he created her so it shouldn't be a problem to stop anything.
So yeah, I'd advise all this and more, but the problem here is that this isn't your normal above average fic, this is a kick **, fantasy, angles and demons kinda fic.
Anyways, What I'm basically saying is that Josh is too powerful. I don't know what you have planned, but as far as I see it the next big ** plot point that we need to get in here is having Josh by some means lose his powers.
(Hmm losing his memory now THAT'S an interesting idea, I'll have to remind myself of that later.)
So Josh loses his powers, not all of them, but drag him down FAR past the level he started at, if he had that much power he could improvise. So Josh has lost just about everything except a few basic skills (Enough to ace every single course in the school) and a few neccesary demonic extras, and his looks.
Perhaps his natural aura alone was actually effecting Anna, like adding 30% to what she already feels, so she falls from just about in love, shall we say 85%? to 55% - barely being friends with him. That would result in one hell of a major ** fest from Anna, she would NOT be happy that he was using his powers to effect her.
Although it just occurs to me that I really want that annoying girl (Crystal?) get wrecked by a Josh/Anna combo (I assume that shes a Josh fangirl). But perhaps save that for later. One of the best plot points you can actually do (and note you've already done this really well once) is to have the bad guy win, but what you need to do now is have the bad guy WE DON'T LIKE win.
So lets say Satan and/or God decide that Josh IS in fact to powerful and strip him of his powers. Or possibly Josh gets ** up by some latant part of the curse that Satan secretly put in. (Say a somewhat sensible: If he tries to kill me he will lose all his powers for X amount of time/indefinately) It WOULD be the sensible thing to do, don't you think. You seen terminator? If only someone had been clever enough to put in a clause saying it couldn't attack endanger its own country/the entire world. Well I don't think Satan would be a complete moron.
So God/Satan send another angel and/or Devil to watch over Josh in the mean time (supposing he can't teleport anymore). Anna, who is not only currently ** with Josh, but she also no longer loves him, falls for him along with basically the few people left in the school who don't already fancy Josh and many of those who did. So Josh is jealous, and has to little power to actually do anything about it.
So ** happens with the angel, pull enough ** with him that we basically forget the briefly mentioned devil, along with Anna and Josh.
Then have him appear, not in person, but effecting everyone around him. What if he sees that Crystal is an unhappy bunny, possibly having the attention of the Angel (to try and redeem her) or Josh (to try and make Anna jealous) and being torn between? Or maybe she has the attention but they are still always hanging around with Anna and/or Josh and not paying her enough attention. Or maybe even she doesn't have their attention and wants it?
Either way, the demon asks if she wants his help, she eventually (maybe you could have a little Crystal deciding subplot going for a while) before she eventually accepts. So what would you usually get from dealing with demons? Enhanced beauty, magical power etc etc.
Ooh! Ooh!
What if we set up an almost parralel to what Josh and Anna have going. (This can be completely unlinked to all previous ideas).
I like the idea of Anna actually training to use her powers, but at the moment she has nothing to really do battle against beacause IT WOULD TAKE JOSH ALL OF 2 SECONDS TO DEAL WITH IT. Also, the problem is that, say Anna can manipulate her glowing-fist-of-doom-attack and make it into a weapony shape thingy. She then goes to slash at any enemy and they click her fingers and shes wounded.
The point that I am making is that your magic is currently too ungoverned. There are no rules as to what it can and can't do, especially for the higher powers. Josh can do basically anything, but what rules does he have to stick to. WHAT can he summon out of nowhere? Anything he puts his mind to? Only things of a certain size etc etc? (Of course, this point is basically moot if you aren't taking this fic in the direction of action. If you're gonna keep this fic going as it is with fight scenes as minor plot points then leave the magic unexplained because I think the mystery adds ;)
What if there is a sudden rival fued with another magic school.
Josh and Anna's response: Wait, what? Josh: Okay... I didn't put that there...
So someone is screwing with the timelines behind their backs, perhaps?
Right. I'm all outa ideas and all outa review space, and you're at a point at which it is hard for me to come up with ideas etc etc.
Uh, If Josh loses his power, would Hussein's cancer return?
Also, Safia is Josh's first creation, and she's a bit to perfect (for Anna). Maybe something could go wrong in her wiring so to speak. Nothing major, just enough for Josh to be like: eh?
I think you should try and figure a way to bring Mary back into the fold, she brings more interest.
Anyways yeah, it was good to read the like 7 chapters I hadn't and I'll be hearing from you soon I hope.
-Sam, signing off

hey!
I hope you don't mind but for my English class i have you write a blog every week and i have been doing them on each chapter of The Story You Shouldn't Know. So far I've only done the prologue and the first chapter so if per se you didn't want me to do it anymore i will stop. Just say the word.
P.S. so far i really enjoy this story!
-SammieKat13

Chapter 20 is definitely squeal worthy!! Loving every bit of the story! Update soon!

*fangirl squeals* Finally she admits it. I've been waiting for this.

It took you long enough to update your story! Practically a month! I couldn't wait till this chapter came. I really like it! And i think u should keep Anna crying over Hussein! I like it like it like it! WHOAh i can't wait for the next update. Better be this month =P, until next time, Keep on writing! +D

loved it! :)

OH MY GOD!

How many reviews did you get that started that way? I'm guessing a lot. It was one helluva chapter.

Firstly, bout the previous chap and not reviewing...It's kinda easier to review when there's lots of material, so I figured I'd wait for the next chap and review...a sort of two-in-one kinda thing. but it's been so long, I forgot what I liked and disliked, or even if i didn't review at all...either way. You're generally so punctual with the updates, people were probably waiting for more so as to have lots of stuff to say.

I cannot tell you how glad I am that Anna and Josh have finally "gotten together" as it were. The way you did it...so totally out of the blue, and completely unexpected ( at least, I wasn't expecting it. not there anyway), it was beyond perfect. fitted in with the story like hands in gloves. terrible simile i know, but then you're the writer!

Personally, I think that you should keep the chapter exactly how it is. Splitting it would make for more dramatic moments, I'm sure, but the way that it read, and the way the title put it forward, it just makes the whole josh-Anna thing jump out. It's as though you have entered a whole new dimension, and it totally blows you away.


now to gt to the more serious matters.

Josh is not telling Anna about his little plan to kill his brothers and father. that should make for some very interesting reading later on. Although I will admit, my mind is totally in a blank with what will happen next. are any hints forth coming?

I'd like to see more of the contrast in Anna's personality though. It seems a bit underdone, and I really think it makes for some interesting reading and interesting thinking. I also think it might be important when Anna finds out what Josh is up to...but that depends on what happens next I suppose.

So is "sometime December" still the target for finishing?

Looking forward to the next update!

Aw! That's so sweet! I love it!

xx
Ali

OMG YES !!
Finally! :) I'm so happy she realized!
What is in store for the happy couple??

OMG! YAY!

Yay for Hussein not dying!

Yay for Josh helping Anna!

Yay for Anna finally admitting she loves Josh!

Yay for them KISSING!

YAY FOR EVERYTHING!

:D

PLEASE UPDATE ASAP!

~Mo~

WOW OH WOW ! :D love this story!! ugh i hate waiting for updates because it is so wonderful! Love Josh, he is my fave! keep up the good work :D

YES! finally indeed! i was actually thinking at the beginning of this chapter just WHEN anna would begin loving josh...and just when i thought i had to wait yet another agonizing chapter--BAM!! xD whoo! really, im so happy right now its bordering on ridiculous.

anyhoo, great writing as usual. i thought the beginning did move a bit slowly, and i didn't really enjoy it as much as previous chapters but the ending TOTALLY made up for it. *sigh* im all happy for josh too xD the boy finally got what he wanted.

oh! oh! please let there be fluff! they've gots to make up for all the hate going on before lol.

anyway, good work and im looking forward to more.

SO BEAUTIFUL! I think I might be crying! Erm.. I didn't say that- or type it, whatever. Just keep it on the DL, kay? This chapter was so freaking GOOD! There was so many different kinds of emotion intertwining with each other throughout the fatal plot line. I thought it was LOVELY! So gorgeous, doll. I'm telling you, this one's a keeper. I wouldn't be surprised, (after you finished, that is) that the first publisher you had ever sent this to would accept it graciously, lovingly, and it would sell BILLIONS of copies! (I will be expecting my free copy, by the way:) Then you'd be rich and would be a able to retire before you had really even gotten a job. Now then, doesn't that sound lovely? Because I sure think it does. Just a GORGEOUS picture! Update as fast as you can, I'll be waiting!

Really really like this story, brilliantly written and quite emotional :))

u were right; i was sighing and saying 'bout time'.