"they're usually the ones
you want the most"
this line is the most beautifully heart breaking thing
that i have ever read.
i love this piece.
favorite.

There's a lot of emotion crammed into an amazingly small number of words. Nice cause/effect/reflection.

Wow, I liked this a lot. You captured and held the "shock moment" when you find it's a woman speaking very well; it definitely intensifies the words after, the shared moments. I love the idea of a father telling his daughter the things he'd tell his son. It's just...very modern, very innovative, and yet it all goes back to tradition, just with a twist.

I didn't really care for what the father actually said, however -"they're usually the ones you want the most," the end line, didn't really resonate or end the poem as strongly. I think something more final that says exactly what you want it to say would be better - I'd recommend just reevaluating what you want that final message to be. :)

Great work!

Effervescent-Sentiments

hi!
this is gorgeous. really. i'm so glad i took a look today.
"feel my heart take the beating" is my favorite line - even if it's not intended, it's still quite clever.

Hm, well I can honestly say that I really enjoyed reading this. It had that ambiguity to it that made the whole piece shrouded in a mystery. And yet at the same time not so much. Nicely written. But one thing I didn't like was the, I guess you can call them spelling errors. At first I thought it was just a mistake but you made several more errors throughout the piece so I'm guessing that was on purpose. I find it disrupted the flow. At times I was saying "...what?" and had to read over a sentence. I'm also guessing there was a point to doing this but it didn't come across that well. Oh, and before I forget, this part;

"two years later, i’m cradling Skyy in between my fingers..."

Perfection.

i love how it takes a break to elaborate,
then gets right back to the father's warning.

this is powerful.
it paints a large, lipstick-stained picture.

"two years later, i’m cradling Skyy in between my fingers,
and waiting for the world to slow down."
beautiful.


and heartbreaking.

this is beautiful.
nice job.
the imagery and emotion are very vivid.

yours until the wind changes,
gg