|Reviews for Little Lily of the Valley|
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 3/29/09 . chapter 5
Well, you did said before in your review reply that there will be a wolf dude. Hopefully that will be Theodore. Makes sense that a wolf will be a worthy number 2. That is unless you want to spam felines and leaving out the poor wolf as a vital character. tbh I don't think I'll be amused by that if that happens. :S
And speaking of Theodore plus Shahana as well, tbh I never really see any significant character portrayal here. At the very most, what I know about them is through verbal intoduction by Halcyon. Try to make the characters known through their own actions and words. This will definitely speak louder than a random intro speech by a third party. Needless to say, I don't really feel for them atm. At least why I said Halcyon is my current favourite character here is because you did a good job in making him stand out as a vital role.
On the other hand, I can't really say the same for Eternity apart from the fact that he's reprising the role of Kazuki in GetBackers looks wise. :S Try to flesh out your characters if you want them to play a certain role in the story. As what I've been so fond of saying in some of my reviews in the past, the plot defines the story, but the characters will always define the plot. Think about it and I believe you'll know what I'm talking about.
As for Rexter, I guess he's a hyena since that is the stereotype animal for scavengers. Which is basically ridiculous when looked into deeper. Hyenas actually hunt more than they scavenge. Lions on the other hand are vice-versa. When I think about that everytime, it really seems that lions are overrated in reality. No offense meant there. I only state my own facts and views although it'ds pretty blunt. :S Sorry if you think I'm dissing you off. No such intentios tbh.
But then again, I don't think I will discount the possibility that Rexter might be a coyote or fox since these two actually have a certain tendency to scavenge. But I believe I'll go batshit guano loco at you if you make Rexter out to be a wolf. Wolves don'scavenge ffs as every human being knows. Hopefully I don't see you as a Sarah Palin clone. If you know about her wolf hunting policies, you'll know why I said that. Never have any respect for her tbh especially after the scandal on her daughter broke out in addition to her tendencies to go wolf nuking. :S You should know what I'm talking about since I think Alaska is at your doorstep border wise. I may be wrong on the location though. Not too much of a guru in continent geography. :S
Anyway, thanks very much for you adding A Ranger's Tale into your alerts. I might be doing a new chapter soon depending on how far I can go schedule wise. :)
| PencilSketchS 3/29/09 . chapter 5
The people in the dorm are all so blaze about dorm life. I like Shahana, an interesting female character :) And Theodore as well. Why do I have the feeling Eternity doesn't know his cougar is a female yet? *snickers* Halcyon will enjoy letting him in on that one. I wonder why Echo name is echo...? Does it have something to do with his animal? Well, I guess we'll find out soon :)
| Phoenix Octavia Bright 3/29/09 . chapter 5
I think you improved a bit, still see some mistakes here and there.
Am glad that the chapters are getting longer, but I would want to see more interesting stuff happening.
Liked that you introduced more characters
| Tawny Owl 3/27/09 . chapter 4
Yep, it's official. I love Halycon. How could any one not. He's just so arogant and outspoken, and I love the way he just stormed into the story and shook everyone else up.
Eternity is much more fun when he has something to whinge about anyway. And Adelsons reaction was very amusing. I enjoyed the ridiculous situation you've put your characters in. Hope it takes them a while to get out of it.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 3/26/09 . chapter 4
Herro there. Well all in all guess this is just a filler although I do get to see more insight on Halcyon. He does seems to be an interesting character along the line of an anit-hero.
And it seems that there is starting to have some kind of chemistry between Eternity and Halcyon. For soem weird reason, the kissing scene reminds me of the same kind of thing in Naruto where Sasuke and Naruto accidentally kissed each other. If I remember correctly, it's in the first volume of the manga.
And I remember that cougars are not considered in the big cats family, but lion is. Explains a lot on the pwnage here lol! :D Ok, nothing much to comment for now. Thanks very much for your reviews on A Ranger's Tale up till now and hope to see your review for the updated chapter soon. :)
P.S: Do you mind if I skip your other two fics? I'm not too used to reading fics with sexually explicit scenes tbh. :S
Add P.S: Thanks very much for you adding A Ranger's Tale to your story alerts. :)
| Kneecap 3/25/09 . chapter 4
:O! Halcyon is such a pervert. I wonder if Alderman will be able to protect his son from the gang? o_o, he seems really old...
| Kneecap 3/25/09 . chapter 3
Halcyon is really quite rude :o. I'm not so sure I like him at all...I like how he's so different from the other characters though. I wonder why he doesn't just knock out Alderman and escape though?
| Kneecap 3/25/09 . chapter 2
Wow, he turned into a giant cat? o_O Or was it a dog? :O!
Is French your first language, by the way?
I really thought Eternity was going to turn rabid then o_O. Gah!
| Kneecap 3/25/09 . chapter 1
Well that certainly is a...different theme! I thought there were a couple of things that could be improved a little:
Sometimes your sentence structure was a little awkward, but I'm sure a beta could sort that out!
And also, the dialogue between the boy and his Dad was a little meh-ish. They didn't seem very close to one another? D:
But I'm going to read on! I like how much planning you must have put into this :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 3/25/09 . chapter 3
Lol on Halcyon. He sure have a bit of humor in him. :D In a real sense, he did reminds me of Aerantah of A Ranger's Tale in terms of tmeperament. I do find him an interesting character. tbh I do like him above Eternity. It's like I find his foul tempered plus smart mouthed nature rather appealing.
If there's one thing I can suggest, it will be for the future plot. Mainly I won't blame you if you want to do a homo sex scene. But try not to let this aspect take centre stage plot wise. Try to put a bigger focus on the characters and their development. tbh I think people might have a negative idea on this story of yours if you let the sexual part invade the entire story. And I don't mean homophobes, but a serious reader as well.
Okay all in all, not much of a problem in this chapter. And thanks for your reviews on A Ranger's Tale up till now. Hope to see more of the reviews for it soon! Bye! :)
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 3/24/09 . chapter 2
Well, good chapter on the whole here. With that being said tho, I think you can come up with better stuff here. imo, you could have done more details on the experiment. I just feel that to a certain extent, details are pretty lacking.
And shapeshifting in this story? Well seems that things are getting more interesting. ;) tbh tho, I thought you gave Eternity a wolf DNA. Turns out that it's most likely a lion.
On this part, I'm uber disappointed given I'm a fan of wolves. For some reason, I do find that wolves don't get pretty much credit here in this site. It's all about felines seventy percent of the time. In fact, the number where wolves get positive exposure by my own experience is like no more than ten. :S
Ok enough on my bitching. Thanks very much for your review on A Ranger's Tale. Hope to see more of the reviews for it soon! Bye! :)
| CrimsonLilly 3/24/09 . chapter 4
Ok the only minus side to this story? Chapters are too short, you tease!
This story gives me a feeling of a Frankenstein story with a twist; the mad scientist is not just mad he's slightly bipolar, schizophrenic and has a slight OCD and even is a hater of all for his effeminate seems to me like he thinks of Eternity more like of a female than a male.
As for Eternity,I must say I hoped he'd be a wild cat, just I was leaning more toward cheetah. Somehow he reminded me of such combination of elegance,strenght and frailty.
Halcyon? After you gave his description, a picture of lion just popped inside my head. And I was right! *giggle* I love him! I love him even more when he's on top of Eternity subduing him *hearts*
Okay and now seriously, some minor criticism-sometimes your sentence structure is a bit confusing due to some minor grammar/spelling mistakes. I'd suggest you,if you don't mind,of course, to use auto spell check if you're using Word. It's every writers best friend! I know it's mine...even though it annoys me to no end when it corrects my British English to American English. I never knew there were so many differences before I started writing...Sheesh.
Can't wait to see where this story goes!
| Tawny Owl 3/24/09 . chapter 3
Ha, he’s female. Poor, Eternity I thought he was screwed up enough already, but apparently it gets worse. And I love Halycon. How could I not? He’s so obnoxious, and it’s nice to see someone who doesn’t pander to Adelson. “I will show little hello kitty who she obeys.” Great line, made me smile.
| Royal Bliss 3/23/09 . chapter 1
So... the main character's father reconstructed the kids face to look female?... So as a writer are you basically saying you enjoy "chicks" with penises? In other words, as a "person"... you would rather look feminine but have a penis?
This is just going solely on the fact that writers, such as yourself, enjoy living vicariously through their characters because they are not happy in their current "situation".
So in other words, the only reason you enjoy slash would be because you wish you yourself were male. Secretly you figure that you don't fit in and I bet that you often think of getting a sex change but, oh what a hassle that would be because then you'd have to figure out how people would react and you don't want to go through the "painful" process of explaining it all... so instead, you write this. You probably got a tingling sensation as you were writing it, no doubt. But hey, every now and then we all write self-inserts but not everyone is afraid enough about it to hide it... not everyone just passes it off as "pure enjoyment". No it's something more for you.
Might I suggest moving to Thailand? They have plenty of ladyboys there... you'd fit right in.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu 3/23/09 . chapter 1
Erm okay. So here I am reviewing a yaoi fic where this is some kind of stranger territory. :S Anyway, on the issue of Eternity, he really reminds me of Kazuki of GetBackers. Incidentally, I do plan for the same kind of characters for some of my stories. Just the difference is that I don't do yaoi and I don't do sexually explicit scenes. Anyway interesting take on DNA technology. The animal DNA part reminds me of Flame of Recca in the aspect of Genjuro. Man my brain is seriously messed up in the manga aspect now. Not to mention that my brain got stumped atm. :( And hence as such, I'm not able to give any concrete CCs.
With that being said though, good beginning here although I really dread seeing explicit sex scenes since it's one of the stuff I'm not really used to. But don't worry, I'll try to skip that part. After all this kind of thing don't do anything for the plot. :)
And yeah, thanks very much on your review on World of Arven. Never knew you will review my neglected work lol! :D With that being said though, hope to see your reviews for A Ranger's Tale soon if you want to review back, which I truly hope so. :)