Woo, what sticks out the most in this poem is your rhyming. It was gorgous. Your interal rhymes and alliteration were so well done and beautiful to read. They sounded natural and not forced, and complimented the tone nicely. Nicely done!

I think I would've liked this better in single-spaces, but I'm actually not sure. The double-spaces didn't break up the flow or the rhythm or your thoughts, so I don't necessarily think I'd like it any better that way. If you did, it might tie in your thoughts better, but overall, I liked the form pretty well. ;)

Your word choices are spectacular. They gave the poem so much life and character. The whole piece is very well written. Great job! ^_^

Thanks for posting!
-Katie, from the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)

"in dreams and in nightmares,"... I don't think you need the second in. It makes it a tad wordy.

I really like this piece. The descriptions were really powerful and your comparisons were unique and beautifully done. The only thing is at the end it seems almost like you started rhyming. Maybe that was accidental, but it struck me as odd. Still, that's just nitpicking because this piece is really awesome.

PS If you're bored this weekend, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile)

beautiful.

Wow. That pretty much covers it. Wow. Its elegant, and so poetic. I like it, a lot.
Pleasantly Surprised,
Vanity.