short, powerful, poignant.
you said some of the same things you did before, but with a different ending, and thus it seems like a separate piece in of itself. cool.

"and we're running out of time,

in this endless string of days."

the paradox here is awesome.

this is very good, in both ways. the expanded version is so personal, and it lets the reader experience so much of what you are, while the short version doesn't quite do that, but let's the reader look into themselves for how they feel in such a way. if that made sense, haha.

sniff sniff *wha*