This is a fine piece of writing. I like how you convey the quiet desperation of unstoppable loss and the frustrating impotence.

I also liked the flow in the emotions you described. The language was excellent. A subject like this leads all to easily to over the top sentimental language. You avoid that.

With this sort of pieces I always get the feeling that I am missing something. Who are hey? How did they come in this situation? But that's just me. I like a story and this is more a prose poem.

I didn't find any problems with the language (except a forgotten word in "but my mind be always be somewhere else." - "my mind will be...").

Impressive.

I really liked the narration; I could really get a sense of how the (s)he feels and get inside their head. I also liked the imagery. I could really picture what was happening. :) And it's an interesting concept.

I liked the lyrical feel of the piece, and the emotions behind it gave it a very contemplative air. I wasn't sure who the writing was about at first, which was nice it left me wondering until the last few paragraphs mystery always hooks the reader!

The "&" signs are probably intentional, but for a piece of prose, it'd probably be better to use "and", but that's just my opinion.

Sakina x

That was an interesting poem.

I liked the story and emotion you were putting into it because you put like quirks in it about Lifetime movies and the ice cream.

I disliked the shape of the poem because I feel the lines are so long that you can't keep track of the flow.

-Areku