Your story is good and it could work as an alone fic, however I think it would be better with a continuation of the story.

Finn is a properly arrogant, cocky little thing, isn't he?

Missed a few commas, might want to correct a few sentence structures, but enjoyable because of all the dialogue punching. Great work!

I really, really like this! I don't see anything majorly wrong with it. (So far--ask me a few chapters later and maybe I'll have something for you then. I'm a stickler for perfection.) You did use "grin" twice right after the other somewhere back up at the beginning with David, but that was minor. Also, there was a small matter where you were describing the tour guide and there wasn't a period where there was supposed to be. Or something like that, maybe I just completely messed up in my reading or something. I'd also like to suggest a line break to suggest passing time after she faints.

Anyway, I love the way your characters talk; they all seem really sarcastic, which is good, and full of false bravado, which is also good. Your descriptions don't distract, either, and they're perfect because there's just enough of them. You have just made me very jealous and admiring at the same time. Congrats!

I must say, this is quite good. I can actually hear the faerie's accent when he speaks. I like your discriptiveness.

All right, I know I'm way behind on this. So here's me trying to get another chapter in. :P

by whatever luck that strange man had in him, my car was still there after a whole week. -- Wait, she wasn't sure her car would still be in the airport's long-term parking? LOL. I don't think I'd trust it, then!

I caught a local hooker or two giving Finn the eye. -- Wow, that obvious, huh? You'd think the police would be all over it. :-P

windows lining each floor with long rows of twisting black fire escapes sticking out from the windows along the alleys on either side -- You already said windows once, so I think it'll flow better if you take out the 'from the windows' part.

“Welcome to downtown,” I replied as I worked the door open. -- lol, I imagine she says this with heavy emphasis on 'downtown.' DOWNTOWN, dun dun duun. lol

as I emerged into the one room, studio apartment toward the gray futon in the back of the room -- I'd add 'and moved' before toward the gray futon.

Just let me cook everything. -- Wow, he already gets a personal cook. Personally, I'd be all, "I don't want you here, so you can fend for yourself." :P

Mister Medieval, lol.

and gradually sliding the mattress flat. -- slid

I need a lot more of to get me back across that pond -- I'm thinking the best opportunity for this would have been BEFORE SHE LEFT. Hmm... lol.

the whole sleeping with his wife thin?” -- thing

trying to but heads -- butt

He died shortly after he changed the laws of succession. -- How convenient. The fey don't sound that bright. lol.

held up and even more indistinguishable black frame. -- an, not and

Okay, I'm wondering how long this chain is. Seems pretty long if he can wander around the apartment, but I feel like you need to actual give it a physical length and stick with it.

I feel kind of bad for him. Yes, she doesn't want him there, but it seems she should have at least given him a blanket or pillow or something instead of just ignoring him and going to sleep. At the very least, just to shut him up. And on that note, isn't she worried about falling asleep with him hovering around?

And I'm out of time for now. I'll try and do another chapter at some point soon.

Very cool :D I'll definitely keep reading whenever I have time

I really like your story, I like the way Melissa's character is and the chemistry between her and "Tink" (wink wink) Keep up the chapters will ya? I eargerly wait to read your next chap.

this story is incredible. i love it! but you could stand to use more commas. i really like it, though-please update!
-Eszabela

Long time reader/lurker, first time reviewer. I really love your writing!! The characters are so...real! I've been lurking around this joint for years and I always feel so warm and fuzzy when I find non-mary-sues or characters that act how NORMAL people act. It's quite a comfort. I noticed you haven't updated in a bit and decided to send you a nudge and some praise.

Aw...I had tears in my eyes near the end! I hope you update soon. Really good characters and plot!

I kind of feel like Melissa would be protesting more that Finn is going to the airport with her. Like, "Oh hell no." But then again, if she's still convinced he's a hallucination, maybe not. Reading on...

It was as if suddenly civilization had a love affair with the substance as a result my kind’s departure so long ago in effort to keep them out. -- This sentence is kind of confusing. The metal is an effort to keep Finn's kind out? If so, maybe say something like "...love affair with the substance in an effort to keep out my kind after our departure so long ago." Or if you're saying Finn's kind departed in an effort to keep out the humans, I'd be clearer about that.

I do like that the sentence structure and tone has changed slightly now that it's a different point of view. Accentuates the fact that it's a different person with different ways of thinking.

“They’ll have bolt cutters,” she muttered, trailing off as we approached the guard. -- Okay, so she doesn't think he's a hallucination. I have to wonder about her logic that going to the airport is the best way to get rid of him. I think she should 1. be more indignant about everything, and 2. consider other options for getting rid of him as well, rather than jumping straight for the airport.

Melissa rummaged through the single bag she carried, taking out all manner of trinkets, keys and coins and placing them in a tray to slide through some sort of box. -- Hmm... Minor nitpicking, but generally you don't have to take all the metal items out of your carry-on because it's going through X-ray on its own. Usually just stuff you're carrying on yourself and electronic items come out.

Why doesn't the manacle, etc., set off the metal detector? If it's a mystical reason, that should be explained.

“Speak as loud as you wish, they cannot hear us,” I replied, rolling my eyes. -- Okay, now that makes me feel better. lol. I was wondering how you were going to get around him just getting on the plane without a ticket. ;-)

To everyone else, I am merely another man lost amongst the masses. -- Okay, now wait. Now he's saying he *is* visible. So how did he get through security, especially attached to her? I thought he was invisible to everyone, and *that* I could accept.

"Either you answer the damn things, or they’re just going to keep coming.” -- Heh, who can argue with that?

“Yeah, the black plague was real fun,” she said. -- LOL

“You’re not making yourself any points." -- I think he's making a lot of points. Winning them, however... :-P I'd change the wording.

Shut the hell up, Tink. -- Hehe, I like that she called him that.

I think I'd add something about the flight not being full and there being some empty seats for him to sit in. Otherwise, I'm wondering how he found a seat without a ticket.

Okay, well, it's interesting to see from his perspective for a bit, though I feel like maybe we should get more of what she looks like, as seen by him (other than just being "the woman" or whatever). Some of the conversation about the fae is a bit heavy-handed and textbookishy, as well, but I know you're trying to cram a lot of information into a small space. Plus, he kind of talks that way, formally. Maybe try breaking up the longer explanatory paragraphs with descriptions of what he or Melissa is doing (like tilting a head, or facial expressions or something like that).

Should be interesting to see what happens when they get back home and how she'll deal with him. I hope there's lots of fiery verbal conflict between them. ;-) This kind of story is *perfect* for that, and I love fiery verbal conflict! lol.

Well, here I am, attempting to review your story, since you've reviewed mine. Only fair. :-) But I'll warn you my reviews tend to be a little long because I like to comment as I read (easier to remember things and point out things that way). I don't have a lot of time, so I'll probably just try a chapter or two here or there. Eventually I'll get through it, I promise. :-)

A "Lucky Burger"? *gag* lol, themed restaurants can be so cheesy. ;-)

"four numbers glowed along the top, reading: 6:58 PM" -- That's three numbers. :-P

“I still don’t think you recorded that right, get me a manager.” -- I'd break that into two sentences or use a semicolon.

I apologize in advance if I have a lot of grammar things. :-P I'm a copy editor, and I can't help myself. lol. I'll try to restrain myself as much as possible, though.

“Well,” David said with a grin. “I noticed you had Friday off. Maybe we could see a movie or something.” -- Wow, hit on by the boss. Awkward.

He laughed a little, a crooked smile quirking his lips. “Well nobody said we had to watch the movie the whole time.” -- No offense, given that I don't know their relationship or any back story yet, but ICK! lol. HE'S HER BOSS!!

On that note, since now the story seems to be moving on from this point, I'd like to hear a little of her thoughts about the whole boss-hitting-on-her thing. Is she OK with it, or does it bother her as much as it does me? If *she's* OK with it, I'll be less creeped out by it. ;-)

Calls will be made with your store manager to arrange your week off -- Um, shouldn't that have been done *before* they sent her the plane tickets? :-P

air port -- should be airport

M, Ireland... I spent a week there and LOVED IT. Would love to go back. Though I have to say, her trip went by FAST! Like two paragraphs... Wow. lol.

Hey, let's just pull these chains off this monument. Nobody will care! :P LOL, she's not too bright, so far. ;-)

My attention shot to the source of the voice: a tall, slender man with ivy mingled among his long blonde hair, a green tunic and leggings covering his creamy pale skin, and a pair of ice-blue eyes set in his angular face. -- the nurse didn't find his looks odd? But maybe he's glamoured or something. Reading on...

“I’m sitting right here,” I said as the heart monitor finally slowed a fraction. “Unfortunately I’m very aware of this,” he said. -- Haha.

Well, it's an interesting start. I like the overall idea, though I feel you maybe need more details to flesh things out a little. It feels as if the story moved along at warp speed, which isn't always a bad thing. But I think simply adding in details here and there might help. Maybe just some more of how she's feeling about things (like my aforementioned suggestion of how she feels about David).

I'll try to hit the next chapter soon. :-)

YAY! A KISS!

FIGHT-O! FIGHT-O! FIGHT-O! YOU CAN DO IT FINN!


At least he better find a way to save Mel. XD

awesome chapter!

BOGUS!

Maeve will get it...at least I hope that ** gets it.

AWESOME CHAPTER!