|Reviews for A Shadow in the Embers|
| sophiesix 8/17/09 . chapter 1
Interesting. I like the concept. I like the idea of her lying in her room in the dark, the firelit newspaper consuming itself. Her sister, almost begging her to tsay in teh lit up world of teh kitchen, not daring to doubt what seh might do. but something in the execution of it seems a bit.. heavy? like occasionally its weighed down by too much description, or converesely, too much telling, that gets in the way of the awesome ideas and emotions at the foundations of the story? I'm not sure if i'm making sense here...?
| Shenhua Phantom 7/1/09 . chapter 8
:D You mentioned me in the authors note! Thank you!
It also makes me happy that you mentioned the Coke I talked about in my last review.
Well, first of all, I didn't really find many mistakes in this one. The only one I noticed was the first time you say "two sisters" you leave out the "s" in "sisters." But, that's the only thing I noticed.
But anyways, I really like this chapter and your descriptions of things like the graveyard. Oh! And I like the voice in her head, as creepy as it is. I especially liked how it was talking about how she wanted to make so much noise and break stuff, and she threw an eraser. It may sound weird for me to say, but I thought it was a cool contrast. Like, she slightly followed the voice, but just a tiny bit. To throw a little thing that would make no noise. I don't know if I can explain it to where it makes sense. I guess I'll just hope you can understand what I mean.
And I love the "shadow in the embers" thing. Now that I think about it, I think it was the title that made me really want to click on this story. And the way the voice put it, I love it even more. It's just great.
Well, looks like we've gotten to my random question section of the review, in which I ask a question that probably no one else would care to think of that doesn't necessarily have much to do with the story, but that I'm curious about. Alright. I think you mention this in the first few chapters, if I remember correctly, but Lucy is tan. However, she's constantly covered by some form of clothing due to her burns. So... is she naturally tan? Sorry for the completely irrelevant question. XD
| Tipsy101 6/29/09 . chapter 8
This was a nicely written chapter.
And it really lets us understand why Lucy does what she does.
I've only ever reviewed the first chapter, but I've been reading the whole way through and I really like the story. It's interesting as well as different. I find that each chapter doesn't give a lot away which is what I like, it keeps me intriugued (I've suddenly forgotten how to spell that word lol). Anyway I think you should keep the story up :)
| Shenhua Phantom 6/1/09 . chapter 7
Aww! Thank you for the special thanks! I'm sorry it took me this long to review!
Okay, a few things I caught. The two times you say "could care less", it should actually be "couldn't care less." A lot of people make this mistake, but it's pretty easy to remember if you think about it. Saying "could care less" indicates that the person actually does care a little because it's possible for them to care less.
Second thing, "Your welcome" should be "You're welcome."
Alright, actual review time!
I really like this! So, now she wants to throw herself into a fire? Wow. That's pretty intense. I had to admit, when reading it, I got creeped out at the thought. Honestly, fire terrifies me.
Two things I was wondering about: Won't everyone think it's weird when Claire doesn't ever mention losing a bracelet? Or just... I don't know. So many things could go wrong with that lie. Maybe they will... Second, if she goes into the gas station, and gets a Coke while inside, why doesn't she just say she went in there for a drink because she was really thirsty or something? Then again, the Coke isn't mentioned when she goes back out... Is there a reason for that, or was it just an accident?
Haha... Of course, you can always expect questions from me. :D
Keep up the good work!
| Shenhua Phantom 4/26/09 . chapter 6
You put in the thing about the summer! :D
Her arms must look horrible... And I didn't understand why she thought she'd be able to burn herself in front of all of those people... Unless she made it look like an accident, but then they'd notice the other burns, wouldn't they?
Can't she walk somewhere to get matches? How has she gotten them in the past? Why can't she get them the same way again? As you know by now, I'm an extremely curious person...
| Shenhua Phantom 4/8/09 . chapter 5
Oh... I think I can guess what happened now... Was Robert her brother?
Another great chapter! I can't wait to read more! I'm curious about that phone conversation, but I'm guessing it's going to bring Lucy a whole lot more turmoil...
| MissGreySunshine 4/7/09 . chapter 4
As demented as this is gonna sound I have to say it: I like Lucy's problem! It feels different than anything I've ever read. In a morbid kind of way, it's refreshing. You should listen to: Currents by Dashboard Confessional. I think it's the perfect song for this story right now. I respect that you can write as a narrator because I can't write anything narrative! This story is really good and I like Lucy's internal conflicts.
| Brandyn25 4/6/09 . chapter 4
THIS IS AMAZING! Please write more! i wish i could know you! ;) i can't wait till it gets published (which it will). i will be the first to buy it!HURRY WRITE MORE!
| LarynLaegh17 4/4/09 . chapter 4
Its really good. but kind of drug out. but still really really really good. You should try to get it published...
| Shenhua Phantom 4/3/09 . chapter 4
This is very, very good! :D It's hard to stop reading. Her addiction is so intriguing to read about. It's strange because I feel like I can completely understand, but at the same time, I've never been in her situation... At least, not that I remember. Definitely not with fire. But it made me wonder something... What does Lucy do in the summer? Or in any situation where she has to show her arms, for that matter? Apparently no one has noticed - does that mean this is a recent thing, or is she just really good at hiding it?
| Shenhua Phantom 3/21/09 . chapter 2
Oh... interesting. I really liked how you described the dream and her emotions about fire. It's a good way of showing her perspective and I think it works really well. I understand even though I don't share the same feelings about it. Nice work. :D
| Tipsy101 3/21/09 . chapter 1
I really like the way this is written.
It will be interesting to see what happens :)
| Francilla Marie 3/20/09 . chapter 1
i really like how you did the little preface. Its totally different but it works. Still confused slightly about what just happened but at the same time i was able to assume things but assumptions are bad so yeah.
| hastyhurricane 3/19/09 . chapter 1
this was good,
although i am a little confused [x
but i think that's natural with the first chapter don't you think? [x
i love this.
excited for more!
| Shenhua Phantom 3/18/09 . chapter 1
This is very interesting. I'm not completely sure what's going on at the moment, but I don't think I'm supposed to. It's kind of creepy at parts, but well-written. I like the descriptions a lot. :D