God, I love your poetry. Talk about subsisting on meagre eating - why did I allow myself to get too busy to read your work? It makes no sense now that I've started again on a whim.

So many lines I love, but this struck me particularly: "on the continent of the mind there is a steep ravine." and then "balloons within balloons." It takes a while to think why you might've used those words, and then suddenly it's clear and the poem is clear and oh, so lovely.

My one criticism, or really, line that I didn't care for as much as the others (which really isn't saying a lot, considering) would be "your white face taking me in like the moon." I would reevaluate the nouns/verb used, because right now they sound much too typical for your poetry, sir. They do not belong! :D

Really lovely work - I think I'll go read more now...

Jules

What a pretty poem. The last two lines are especially breathtaking. Lovely. I also really like the line, "your white face taking me in like the moon." Yes. Very nice. Keep writing! :)

"A black light in a dark room." Captivating imagery! It's very sad and unique!

"Too soon you ebb away from me." Heart-breaking.

BALLOONS WITHIN BALLOONS! Oh my God...I don't even know how to correctly comment on this...the line is too phenomenal... :D :D :D!

I'm very impressed by this piece. Very provocative opener - loved "mouth full of black ink" - great imagery and also the idea behind it. Trying to keep someone from leaving with words while knowing that words will never hold them. I'm sure we've all been there. This poem is full of great imagery and masterful wordplay such as "My love goes out, a black light in a dark room", "your white face taking me in like the moon", and my absolute favorite which makes for such a marvelous ending "Muffled breathing, balloons within balloons". Inspired piece - am adding it to my c2. Well done, I commend you and that whole chestnut.