 Anachronistic Twist 2009-03-20 . chapter 1I like this a lot- especially the bit at the end about "my heart/and all the strings attached." At the beginning, though, when you talk about "someone to help" and "no one will help me," I think it would be much stronger if you said "I need you to help me" instead– someone implies that anyone would do, but it's pretty clear that you need this person specifically. |