OMG POOR SHANNAH!! SHE DOSNT HAV FASHUN JEEN!1 SHES NEVAR GONNA GET A GAI TIHS WAI!1

i didnt no goodwil have modelz omg

you know what's a tool that'll take her from drab to fabulous? EDDIE. what this girl needs is some GAY.

I'm sorry, Wanda, but I can't help but laugh at shannah's three paragraphs of makeup application. and the PURE EMERALD of her eyes. uh-huh, she's not a mary sue. RIGHT. :D

you think that, having endorsed this party in the first place, Kim's ma would think to, I dunno, put the china in cupboards where it couldn't be broken by clumsy drunk people or something. just sayin'.

no, shannah, I believe you shoved that alcohol down your throat YOURSELF. XD

HA HA HA oh shannah.

"Oh Edward! I'm so sorry!"
"Fear not, Bella. My intense amber eyes seem to have that effect on people." XD XD XD XD XD XD

I think you should make Nathan smile or laugh or show some sign of amusement, because otherwise he just sounds like a dick.

...FINALLY he grins. SHEESH.

..and then immediately returns to dickery. GOOD JOB NATHAN. shannah, do not take that kind of crap off this guy! he's just trying to be cool because he thinks the sun revolves around him perfect face. PSHAW. tell him to quit being a dick and go find... dired. damn. you're right, wanda, she is a TOTAL sub. *sigh*

there's an extra return between "I" and "already" in "I think I already know that."

she's never danced? not even by herself in front of a mirror? I thought all girls do that. *looks sheepish*

wait, so he asks her to dance, waits while she fumbles for a response, pulls her onto the dance floor and then suddenly is like, "O SRY JK I HAV 2 GO GET MAI JACKET BRB KTHXBAI"? what? either he's a total dick, or...

or he has a... y'know... where's the subscript when you need it? ...and he doesn't want her to see because he's just as embarrassed as her. DX

LOK I FINISHED THIS CHAPTER IN ONLY TWO REVIEWS! OMG!1

gaspeth! since when is shannah such a bad kid! also, this coupled with the fact she uses her mom's first name 'stead of Mom suggest a strained relationship... not sure if that's what you want?

also, what if cheryl calls jacky's mom?

kim = rich

all shannah's musings about the car not getting vandalised seem a little unnecessary - or perhaps they're foreshadowing...?

where does kim get the money for all this? and, her parents actually LET her? O_o

see, pantoofer, notice that my comments equal the amount of chapter I've read so far in length. this is me in typical Beta-review mode. I write down any and everything that pops into my head as I read. IT IS INSANE. why. why must i. buh.

pff, shanneh's such a weakling.

"Three blue coolers sat at the ends, stocked to the brim with beer and wine coolers": coolers twice in one sentence? I'd used a brand name or something, icebox... or just get rid of the second cooler, "stocked... with beer and wine..." also, drinks are not snacks. also, no one's munching? guess there's no weed at this party. also, the beer table is deserted? also, no kegs? also, when you said she was assaulted by smells I thought "weed". but now I'm thinking BO and spilt alcohol. so maybe you should describe some of these smells to set the atmosphere better.

Yes, Shannah, eating garbage will make you feel BETTER. *facepalm*

"over the pulsing music that sweat vibrations": there's a typo somewhere in here, but I can't figure how it's supposed to read.

"Shannah turned to voice." MY VOICE GIVES ME SUPER STRENGTH!

"with sharp and manicured nails, but

Shannah resisted": this is the formatting you have in the chapter itself.

"Shannah decided to head to a bathroom, where she could at least have some time to herself." okay, shannah, wtf? you lie to your mum so you can come to this party and see the guy you like, but then get there, refuse an offer to help you find said guy, stand around looking awkward and disgusted and then go hide in a bathroom? WHY DID YOU COME THERE AT ALL?

"Two people were lying across the bed": saw this coming a mile away. man, that girl is even more naive than Erythor, and THAT is saying something. she's probably not more naive than Quel, but she could sure give him a run for his money...

furthermore, shannah, they probably wouldn't even have noticed you if you'd just backed away and left without saying anything. duh.

and then she's like, eek, hide me, when paula starts talking back. *headdesk*

"Jake raised his eyebrows." he sounds like such a perv. "SURE, Shannah, go use the bathroom, wink wink"... my first thought was he's planning something. like a nasty prank. like maybe he'll run in and pants her. or maybe there's someone in there already.

ANYHOW, I thought i could finish this chapter tonight, but it's not going to happen. SORROW.

I do not understand why Jack's "bipolar" joke is "a cruel joke indeed".

"Not only was he perfect-looking, he was gifted with intelligence also." HAR. He's a total Gary Stu. and already better than edward cullen, XD

"Nathan gave her a tiny pout" - EW. not attractive, nathan.

“What if I want it to?” - dude, nathan. say WE. otherwise you sound like a total creeper. and/or a dick. this kid needs to learn how to sweet-talk.

if this were a teen story and not a sci-fi, either 1. it would be a set-up for a mean prank or 2. he would pressure her for sex and retaliate when she refused, probably by spreading nasty rumours but possibly by becoming violent and attempting to force her, though she'd scratch him or something and he'd be prevented. and then spread nasty rumours anyhow. yup.

however, I know that she's totally gonna turn into a cat. like Ms. Kat. with the cat-eye glasses. XD

LOOK I FINISHED CHAPTER ONE PANTOOFER AINT IT NEAT/

Hmm, guess I'm not gonna finish the chap this time either. but it is, in my own defence, 3 am.

I just want to say that I think the boys are hilarious. with the daisy crown and everything. oh, yeah, and they're TOTALLY flirting with her.

also, Nathan is a Cullen. XD

but I was sitting here giggling. that's just the sort of thing my characters would do. *facepalm*

yo, Pantoofer. I'm reading this while I floss my teeth. WHOT.

Kim is straight out of a Disney-channel special. I can hear her voice in my head. It amuses me.

Elizebeth needs to lighten up. or maybe she has PMS? we can only hope...

also, her hair sounds like a living thing, and a monster at that. i like it. I can imagine it, i dunno, strangling her enemies or something. she could be... Hair-Girl. XD lamest superhero name EVAR.

hey, Shannah can join our club! but only until she meets Dired. after that, pf, who needs her.

"Maybe she could find a new group of friends. At least find someone who was so self-absorbed that they didn’t care about her life whatsoever." Y'know, Shannah, that's kind of, like, the complete opposite of what people usually look for in a friend... just sayin'...

also, i can't for the life of me figure out what kind of gadget it is that Elizebeth's supposed to have. it's not a cell phone, so... a fancy laptop? what? WHAT? ARGH!

i was also going to ask why they were friends at all, the girls being so vastly different, but then Shannah gave a helpful explanation.

also, I want her name to be Shanneh. IN CASE YOU WONDERED. I keep trying to type it and having to stop myself and fix it. WHY.

"one suggestive look in her direction and and you woke up in the Dumpster with no recollection of the last two hours"... sounds a bit risque, dontcha think? X) but, yeah, I might use a different phrase if I were you... cuz this makes it sound like Paula's a rapist. no kidding.

ANYHOW. Nathan's now sitting behind Shannah in trig, and my teeth are flossed, and now I'm going to bed. i'm sort of hoping you've figured out by now who this is, because then you can reply to my review via email.

AND THAT IS ALL. I FINISH THIS LATER.

I really love Shannah in this chapter, she's so simple, which in turn makes her complex. If tht makes sense... O_O'. She seems to me like tht sorta "shady" kid in the school, the one that's a really good person underneath just is too shy and wants to be... mysterious. I rlly hope all that made sense.

It's weird how those girls, polar opposites in a way, are friends.

OK, now I'm hooked on this story too. It is awesome so far and I do look forward to learnign more about the girls and where it is they're going. Oh, exciting!!

Ooh, I want a magical sleeping pill like that so I could actually get some sleep every night.

Hilarious: Elizebeth rolled her eyes. “Paula, I can assure you no one is getting an anal probe.”

“Famous last words.”

Kim laughed. “I don’t know. Those would be some awesome last words.”

xD Those would be freaking awesome last words. I'm excited... I wanna know more about this Mrol Colony.

SWET! I'm diggin' the dream. Can't wait for weird ** to really start happening! Do you ever explain why she had the dream? Was it something psychic or a memory? Anyways, I'm sure I'll find out. XD

My break is almost over, but I'll read more when I get home!

So, have I ever told you that I love Paula? 'Cause I do. A lot. I'm glad Jake's nice to her, 'cause if he weren't, I'd probably jump into the story and kill him. XD

Anyways, Nathan's a good guy after all! Which is nice, 'cause I was worried he'd be a typical jock **. Kim's crazy, though. She does get better, right?

Anyways, I'm excited for the sci-finess to come in! Next chapter, right? I'm on it!

Well, I'm very excited to see how the sci-fi is gonna play out in this! I know very little about the beginning of the story. Most of what you have on DA seems to be about the middle... ish? XD

Anyhoos, I hope Nathan isn't just playin' her. I'm not entirely sure I trust him... Maybe I'm just being overly paranoid, though. XD I'm used to seeing shy girls get screwed over both in novels and in real life. >.

It's cute so far! I love having the insight of your DA account, 'cause not only do I have a picture of what they look like, I already know a wee bit about what they're going to become. Exciting! I'm gonna read one more chapter before bed :D

Man I feel sorry for them. I know that if I was turned into a cat elf thing I wouldnt know what to do.

Update soon~!

Yay, the car has a name! :D Rosie is a good name for a car. My sister's car is named Kate. I'm pumped now; I want to know what this car knows!

VERY funny: “You two need to grow up!” she hissed. “Let’s hope you never reproduce or we could end up with reverse evolution.” xD

That car is some serious coolness! Is someone watching her (through the car), or is it just a really smart robot car? Awesome chapter! :D