 403 Forbidden 2009-05-11 . chapter 1This is really beautiful, I love the way the last stanza sort of *echos,* it's a nice effect. It also sort of reminds me of the Osoanon Nimuss poem, "Absolutely Nothing," for some reason. Nice work, I enjoyed reading it.
~mAg |
 Erlkoenigin 2009-03-22 . chapter 1A good idea: first something unimportant, than something valuable, than an object of sentimental value and in the end the lost hope. The last stanza somehow reminded me of the painting “die gescheiterte Hoffnung” by Caspar David Friedrich. |
 Kate Marshall 2009-03-21 . chapter 1Hello there. xD
First of all, I think a different form would work better with this piece. I'd like to see this in single-spaced stanzas. (Hold shift while pressing enter or backspace to single-space up or down.) Since you arranged them so nicely, I think single-spaces would make it even more clean.
I love your progression of the lost items. The ending was well executed, even if it was a little vague to me. You had some nice half-rhymes and the repetition in the last line was a nice touch. Overall, I just really enjoyed the reference to 'hope' in the ending. ^_^
Thanks for posting this!
-Katie, from the Review Game (link's in the profile!) |
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