I loved the folk-song feel of this - I don’t know if that’s what you meant to instill in the poem itself, but the erratic transcendentalist vibe made me think of Dylan, a lot.

It has kind of a rollercoaster feel to it the way that it travels around from place to place and the idea’s spiral at the reader. I especially liked: ‘my stomach is a blanket of muscle’ ‘oranges and Virginia’ (which in itself could be it‘s own subject for a poem) and ‘trampled by/night cattle where my arms/and legs are mangled in all directions/like a swastika.’ Your idea’s and observations are hypnotizing. Keep up the good work.

Much love,
Juliet.

Jules, via the Review Marathon (links in my profile)

Um...for lack of anything constructive to say, I think I'll just list images I absolutely adore. Yeah, that sounds good.

The first lines. Amazing. The contrast between going from something so large to something so small and specific.

There should be a semicolon after "waking up," if you care about punctuationy things like that. Which I would, since it's easier to read. But you already knew that.

This is such black humor, I love it. It's witty and ironic and oh so true. Definitely strikes a right note and resonates. "blue at the face and these old pumps would still murmur." Ah! YES! I love it!

And a silly-yet-serious line as icing on this delicious poem of a cake. God, you're excellent.

Jules

"I am marked by this grim business of waking up." This line really struck me. It reminded me of those days when I can't find the will to get out of bed.

"And my eyes roll open like a slot machine." Chilling simile!

"And God you've got the wrong person." HAHAHA! I found this line devilishly comedic. Creative! :D

"Trampled by night cattle where my arms and legs are mangled in all directions like a swastika." I just flailed about when I read this line. IT'S UNBELIEVABLY BRILLIANT.

-Isca