Dude...

I really enjoyed the build-up in this chapter. The ending was great, but emotionally very shocking. This is turning out to be quite good. :)

Despite a few grammar issues and spelling errors, this story thus far has been very good. It has certainly kept my interest, and I'd like to see more.

Overall, I can't see anything wrong with this story, the characters, etc., so you're definitely doing something right. ;)