|Reviews for These Falling Apples|
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 25
Other than that, from the previous chapter, 'tyre' should be 'tire.
Still. . . .
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 23
LOL! I wonder how Shea will handle THAT request.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 20
You got back into the "I" habit, but there is definitely improvement in the overall writing.
Ruy and Eddo makes me want to squeal, and I'm so glad that Shea finally knows the truth about Nate.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 16
Finally! Ruy finds out! I hope Eddo's OK.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 12
Aside from the flashback mode, this was a great chapter, Ruy is quite the interesting guy. (Aw, where did Eddo go?)
I understand that the flashback was important, I just think the chapter for it could have been written in a better way. What especially irked me was that you started the chapter and the flashback the same way.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 11
Shea gets more adorable every chapter. And yay, he got through to Eddo! I'm sure Eddo will find the project easy since he's an expert on metaphors.
Past and present tense still seems to be the overall problem, but you also write a little off topic, or seem to. You can continue to write 'off topic' but you don't need the 'Anyway...' or the other transition words everytime you get off topic.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 7
Gosh, I keep forgetting to review chapters, but anyway, in Ruy's chapters, the first of his chapters I believe, you use unnecessary plurals. "homeworks" "trashes" were the main ones I think.
I love how this story is going so far. Eddo and Ruy would be great together, and I absolutely adore how Shea treats Eddo (I know it's not a main pairing, but I can totally see it). Nate's great as usual, and now we finally get some dirt on him.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 3
I liked how you wrote about Nate, and how you leave it up to other characters to describe each other. Aside from using "you" in the first chapter (breaking the fourth wall), there isn't anything needed that I haven't already said in my other review; I hate repeating myself.
| HatedLove6 11/9/11 . chapter 1
Found it! :)
Even though this is on hiatus, and has been for a long time, I'll still try and review every chapter.
I like this so far, but I do agree with another reviewer about the past and present tense mix-ups. As for the "I had no friends...I kept to myself, I liked being alone. No, I don't... I don't know", I could understand that I don't know would need to be in present tense, because maybe he couldn't remember accurately. Everything else after that in that paragraph should be in past tense though.
Another thing is that you start off a lot of sentences with 'I.' Sometimes it's a good way to create a mood, but not during the entire chapter. It doesn't happen often in this chapter, but it still created a bit of choppiness in a couple areas.
I liked how he saw the other prefect, and how you described the beating of his heart. The description overall is fascinating; definitely meant to be in a poet's perspective.
| LondonCallingx 2/7/10 . chapter 36
I'm confused, does Eddo actually like having sex with him or not? Hm... Ruy is bastard, why is he still dating that girl? I don't know why Eddo puts up with it, I want him to crack and just shout at Ruy. Amazing story!
| LoveAndDreams 2/6/10 . chapter 36
Amazing as always!
| LoveAndDreams 2/3/10 . chapter 35
dont stop heerrerereree!
i wannt mooree :)
Lol its greeat i love it :) X
| LoveAndDreams 2/3/10 . chapter 33
This is amazingg!
| LoveAndDreams 2/3/10 . chapter 31
I love FMA!
| Loveanddreams 2/2/10 . chapter 1
Wow! This is really well written!
The only thing I think you need to work on is tense. For example, "I had no friends...I kept to myself, I liked being alone. No, I don’t... I don’t know."
You are saying I 'HAD' no friends but hen go on to say 'I DON'T KNOW' so... its tricky because i didn't know may not sound as good but yeah, good luck!
And again, its a lovely piece of work :)