|Reviews for Acceptable Insanity|
| Laoch 7/25/11 . chapter 12
Wow, this is so beautiful! Amazing really. My favorite part is the comparison to water balloons because it is such a new and unique perspective on life itself. The words seemed to jump off the screen in a way that I just couldn't stop reading. You are a very talented writer!
| rgarner31 7/23/11 . chapter 6
here is your freebie review, as promised :)
so i really like this story. I instantly have a connection with your main character with the issues she has with her father, and i feel like almost anyone can relate with their own family troubles. It instantly made me like her all the more. the opening line is pretty good too, because the reference is understandable.
So one thing i would have liked to see here was both an explanation of the line, "where he abandoned me," and to know the name of your heroine, because i think it helps us get to know her better. And for the quote, i wasnt sure if you meant Taylor or her dad.
| Ioga 4/25/11 . chapter 16
Hi, here to be baffled by a changed pen name! :)
I liked the quotes in this bit, particularly the first one since I remembered it from somewhere else and it wasn't attributed there. Now I Know. Or have a probable source anyway.
The first sentence stating that "None of these relate to each other (...) Give it a chance" was something that I managed to parse only afterwards as an actual author note, rather than some kind of part of the story itself (I seldom pay attention to chapter titles enough, and after a poem quote it's automatically even more assumed that the start is text and not commentary I guess). Maybe it could rather be just that, an author note before the actual first chapter?
My definite favourite piece was 11. Looking back, the title (Tire Swing) actually didn't seem very connected to it, but I didn't notice that. I liked the attitude and "moral", the easy accessibility of the two-way comparison that didn't require getting used to a more complex internal structure (I sometimes drive myself nuts looking for structure where there isn't any, I guess that's how my brain works). I wrote something a bit similar from "her" point of view in Finnish in "Tottahan minä olen parempi kuin te" ( Why, of course I'm better than you-others). It's not particularly translation-friendly though.
Minor nitpicks that I spotted: Car ride story: "Nothing on that trip was as depressing (...) nothing had changed in either of lives" (our or something). Nearby, "restraining order against him" seems to refer to Taylor rather than her father on first glance. Matchmaker story: "her sight drifted over the crowd" - does this work in English, having a drifting sight? It sounds somehow strange to me. Later on, "Her breathe caught in her throat" (breath).
Ok, I got pulled aside by toddler in mid-review. If this manages to expire my review signing cookie (again), it's Ioga. :)
| dragonflydreamer 2/17/11 . chapter 8
I don't know know what this is originally from, but I love this poem!
It's so lyrical. The word choice, the flow, the rhyme-everything fits together perfectly. It just rolls off the tongue as I read it. Is it intended to be a song? Because I think it would go perfectly to music.
[he kissed my starstruck eyes] Nice description.
[As paper airplanes took to the skies.] Love this! Why are they paper exactly? Because he made them, maybe? Or because they're so fragile?
[He took a dive into my heart/he touched my bewildered soul] I love the images and emotions this creates.
[I don't know if it was just a dream] I found this line interesting. By the second time I read it, it gave the whole piece a new dreamlike quality, and also a hint of sadness that wasn't there the first time.
[As a jet plane carried him home.] From where? My first thought was that he was deployed, but was it a more metaphorical he's-here-but-not-really-here thing?
Yeah...I loved this :)
| dragonflydreamer 2/17/11 . chapter 2
On behalf of Frac, here is your RM prize review!
Ooh, interesting idea for a collection. I've seen some that are song lyrics, but I love how you're taking lines from just about anything.
I love the beginning of this. Why is her mom trying to keep her from the fact that she's blind? That set up an unusual premise and made a good foundation for her feeling of isolation, even in her own home. You built up a lot about her character in a short time.
I wish you had made this longer, though, because the second half way rushed. It's really a touching story with Lucas, but things like what their relationship is like and the struggles of not being able to see him are things I wish weren't skimmed over.
On a more specific note: [and it was at times like those when she would be consumed by the void that she would question if she would ever do the only thing that anyone and everyone seemed to have but her: love.] This sentence was a little hard to understand. I think it was the wording around "if she would ever do the only thing" that threw me.
A sweet, uplifting piece and a great use of the line. I'd love to see it expanded if you gave it the time.
| Lustful Muse 12/29/10 . chapter 4
(I wanted to do a bit more reviews. These are interesting and I'd like to see which songs you've selected as your inspiration).
Ooh, the ending gave me shivers. Earlier while reading through it, however, I felt that you could have made the situations surrounding each promise darker, thus having them get progressively darker up to the daughters death. If you had, this piece could have been much more heavy and angst-filled. And it would carry much more resonance. I don't know if you wanted to go that deep, but I do think that what you have is pretty good as it is. It made me remember all the times when I was younger and my dad failed to keep his promises...
| Lustful Muse 12/29/10 . chapter 3
(since I took so long to give you your freebie review, I thought I'd do a bit more. plus I like the premise of each of these pieces)
I like how you've ended this - cutting the message off just as the brother was going to confess his love. However, I felt that the rest of the writing was a bit forced. There was a lot of information added to the message that didn't seem completely natural, as though it were put there simply for the sake of the reader. For example, assuming the brother and sister are as close as he claims, it would be unnecessary to state that the narrator is her brother and best friend - that's information that the reader would need, not information that should be relayed through a message to one's sister.
Also, although this is just my personal opinion (since I know some guys do talk like this) but I think that the way the narrator speaks is too feminine. For example: "That's totally amazing." That sort of dialogue is what I'd imagine a "valley girl" would say. Maybe you could alter it so it would sound more masculine.
Overall, this does a good job of leaving me hanging in suspense. It's just a short snippet but it makes me wonder what will happen in the future between the unrelated brother and sister. It would be a good prompt for a larger story as well.
| Lustful Muse 12/29/10 . chapter 2
(This is for The Review Game: Fight for the Freebie - sorry for the wait!)
First of all, I'd like to say that the premise for each of these stories is neat (basing them off a different song). I think I'd like to give it a try sometime.
But moving on.
My favorite quote from Warmer Climates was: "in Dani's mind, he loved her."
It emphasizes not only the isolation that Dani feels from the rest of the world but it also illustrates that she is someone of strong character. It's kind of a mixture of living in her fantasy and having the strength to believe what she wants, despite the (sometimes harsh) reality. I liked it.
However I feel that this story could have been slightly longer. The story ends with Dani being able to suddenly see the outline of Lucas but I'm left wondering how that's possible. Other than that, I think this was a well written piece.
| Father Christmas 12/23/10 . chapter 3
I like the slowly degrading hope that the best friend has with each call. There is a great transition from excited and hopeful to lost and desperate. And as the feelings change, the truth begins to come out, which clarifies a lot. I thought the caller was another girl, then I realized it was a situation where the guy friend is actually in love with the girl. It may be an overused theme, but you portrayed it with a nice twist by having the piece solely dialogue.
"I'm just so overwhelmed by my emotions I don't even know what to say…" The neediness in him becomes very apparent so I was heartbroken for him by the end, but this sounds like the guy is going through PMS. It feels a little awkward. The rest of his dialogue as he becomes more emotionally exposed works well. I applaud you for writing a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. It's not easy.
This is a really touching piece with a lovely stinging end. I think the ending is appropriate to go along with the mood shift and to make for a realistic, bittersweet moment.
| Secret Santa 12/15/10 . chapter 5
Merry Christmas! :P
"Walking past the library and towards her house, Nicole was stuffing her headphones into her ears."
-You could probably change "was stuffing" to "stuffed" here.
I like the way you formatted this, with three repeating sounds at every section. It made the time rifts seem clean. The formatting, like leaving it off at a good ending sentence and catching my attention with the first one, was well done.
Such a sweet story! I liked how Paul and Nicole weren't really sure how to act at the beginning, but they just went with it. Their care really seemed genuine. The build up was great, too. Both parts, about Paul being sick and him and Nicole falling for eachother.
This was a nice uplifting story to read with Christmas in mind. Good work, and Merry Christmas again!
| lookingwest 9/15/10 . chapter 10
Keane again? Must be going through a Keane phase!
Simple but to the point, as most in this collection are. I like your decision to format with the italics concerning the movement of the characters, I like the quality of this being a story of story told with characters through the speaker and it was a good decision to put it in present tense. I really love the subtlety of it, I almost picture the italicized words being whispered on the hush, and I think that was a huge highlight here. Very clear interpretation, and you made some vivid statements that were clearly pictured in my mind.
| Jason saied 9/11/10 . chapter 5
You're a great writer, although I don't like your stories much. You have a lot of potential.
| Mizzuz Spock 8/31/10 . chapter 3
This piece was so sad. Like, it's really depressing. And I also think it's also a good social commentary about Facebook and technology as a whole and how we are bad at communicating in today's society. (Totally what you were going for, right? xD)
I really felt bad for this main character. I mean, he just wants to talk to this girl and find out what's going on in her life, because they're friends, but she's totally just off in her own little world, pushing him out of her life. (When he said "brother," btw, I figured he didn't REALLY mean brother, and that it was more like a "We're so close, you're like a sister to me" type thing. I appreciated the Author's Note at the end there, clearing that up.)
The ending really hit me, too. I mean, I didn't see it coming, either, so that's probably why. I figured she'd die or something and never get the messages, but I like the way you ended it better. I figured he had feelings for her, but it sucks that everything got erased like that, right as he was admitting his feelings. (I felt it was a bit cliche, but still. It worked, and I enjoyed that ending opposed to whatever I was coming up with as I read it. xD)
Before I hit the Submit Review button and completely forget to address it: I love the format of this "story." It's awesome, and very clever. I love how pretty much the whole story is dialogue, too. The pace is quick, and the story flows smoothly from one message to another, giving us a good insight really only into one character (the main one), but I definitely formed an opinion about this other character, the girl. I think this chick is a real jerk for not keeping in contact with him, especially after all these messages he's left. When I was done reading, I was totally convinced that he was too good for her.
A really sad piece, overall, but I enjoyed this. :]
| Mizzuz Spock 8/31/10 . chapter 2
This was a really cute piece, and I really liked Dani's character. I felt you did a really good job describing her pain about being blind, especially the part about her blindness only bothering her when she was alone. My heart really reached out to Dani, because it's always when we're alone that we're most vulnerable, and even though I've never been totally blind, I could relate on a certain level: seeing color in a blur, no image clearly defined. Basically, blind. So, yeah, I'll stop rambling, but just know that I really grew to like Dani in her moment of vulnerability. xD
The introduction of Lucas is nice, but sudden. In fact, after we get to know Dani and we know she's blind, we are immediately thrown into her thoughts about love (which seem a little too much) and then BAM. Here's Lucas. I just don't think it flows together well. The idea itself is good, and I smiled at their lovey interaction, but it bothers me how soon everything is.
Granted, this is a short short story, and it works, in that aspect, but I'd like to see the story fleshed out more. And maybe their relationship explained more as well. It's too...there. (Yes, THERE.) And it feels like you want the reader to just accept it, like, "Okay, she has a boyfriend. That's nice." When in reality, there were more questions. How did they meet? Why did he treat her differently? It would've been nice, also, if you showed us his affection instead of just told us outright.
I also feel the "I can see!" moment was a bit forced. It seems to come out of nowhere. No nice transition or anything. Overall, I found this to be a really cute piece (as I mentioned) and I was really happy that she could see all of a sudden. But. There's no reason for it, it just happens. In order to actually accept this, I had to suspend my belief. Then I had to question the rest of the story. Was her blindness temporary, caused by something psychological? With this "twist" ending, it feels like there definitely should be more to the story than what was given.
I give you props, though, because I was willing to suspend my belief because I liked the character a lot. I just wish there would've been more development overall. :]
| lookingwest 8/26/10 . chapter 9
Hapy BIRTHDAY! XD (*Sheriff facepalms*)
Aw, I liked Keane back in the day with "Somewhere Only We Know", so they must have come out with a lot of new albums by now, right? I shall have to ask you if this is from a new one or not, nice little song lyric, at any rate!
Wow, now there's a bit of profound thought in here, definitley. I should have read this while eating breakfast, but I'm off a few hours. I like the italicized in contrast with the un-italicized, I mean, both were thoughts, really, but one was just inner and the other more action external-you really conveyed that well! I loved the more morbid contrast of "I'm doomed" with "I just went with it"-and that last line, ah, I love it, so simple yet suave at the same time. It sums up a lot of occurrences in life, I think. I like the ambiguity surrounding what "it" in "it's not working" could possibly be too, and if it's just something really specific, like a term paper, or if it's something more umbrella termed, like the entirety of the speaker's education, or family life, or romantic life, or whatever it may be-I think it's very relatable and versicle. These are some nice lines, Sheriff!