This is absolutely beautiful. All of your descriptions were perfect and the tone of this is just so heart-wrenching.
I would love opinions from a writer like yourself on my work, it would mean a lot to me!

this is beautiful.
i loved the imagery and the raw-ness of it.
spectacular!

yours until the wind changes,
gg

I think I'll go stanza by stanza just to shake things up a bit.

First:

The word "altar" bothers me for some reason, probably because I've heard it used so much before - maybe we could twist that image? I love the aliteration in "miserable minnows" - actually, I just love that whole image that carries on into the next stanza. :D

Second:

The sound of ten minutes ago. What a great line. There's interesting contrast between this stanza and the first one, because this one is...what, casual? Narrative? And the last was one big image. I'm more of a fan of the image (typical me), but you gotta say what you gotta say. And you definitely pulled off the repetition! I liked it. "I am your one day festival" was wonderfully unexpected when you're thinking "I love you." So thanks for that.

Third:

The first five lines have too many words. Let's see what I can do. Maybe get it out of the conditional tense? Would it really ruin what you want to say if we changed it to:

what can i do without hands?
am i the dark stain seeping
across your underwear?
if so, i'll make an [adjective] promise
how much i'll wash out.

That's just more cohesive, but if it's not what you want to say you can tweak it - you just need to take out things like "as to how" and "i'd be able to" and "if I should be the" - too wordy, you know? And I kind of like the idea of making yourself the dark stain and asking how much YOU'LL be able to wash out, versus IT.

Fourth:

Period after "when the lights are on." And then get rid of because and start "Each day". Then I'd take out "we are" in those two last lines, so it'd just be: "that we spend rubbing twigs together, we are making fire." Unless you had a specific meaning there that needs to stay. :)

Fifth:

Huh. I like it. Nuff said. :D

Sixth:

Comma after seams. Great ending.

I hope I helped! You're wonderful as usual.

Jules

Absolutely beautiful and heart-wrenching and unique! I love love love the line "because you won't find anything / in the dark that isn't there / when the lights are on." I'm having trouble tying the first part to the second part (at "dear first man,") but I don't care, I still love it. :)

I do have an issue with the phrase "789 uncountable miles." Contradiction? Maybe "too many uncountable miles" would fit better.

But I love the overall vagueness; it adds so much depth. Excellent poem!

marie