the references make total sense.

but the format is a little iffy, for me.

i think too many parenthesis detracts from the purpose of parenthesis.

but generally speaking, i love this.

(:

haha:

"oh, romeo—!

(get a grip.)"

and

"and your nothings—

(oh, they’re not so sweet anymore.)"

(: awesome!

Haha, it's not rambling. I understood all of it. I love this part:

your sunlit smile

and golden, well-versed tongue—

(no light is breaking;

i am not the sun.)

Sounds like the narrator is thoroughly fed up with all that "It is the East and Juliet is the sun" stuff. Beautifully written.

That was awesome! lol, it made sense to me, and fit pretty well too since in the first version of Romeo and Juliet both the actor/actress hated each other...haha

Let me not impede the progress of great minds, but I am required by the my innate Englishman to explain something here: Wherefore is an archaic form of "Why?" not "Where are you?". In Romeo & Juliet the question asked is "Why are you Romeo?" She's contemplating on the meaning of a name, hence why, in the same scene, she makes her remark about how a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. If you need further proof, lo and behold what I bring unto ye: dictionary./search?qwherefore

Also, in that same first stanza, "to" should be "too". In the following stanza "you're" should be "your".

Otherwise, I do like it and must agree with the bulk of what the previous poster, ms. ogynist.

Keep up the good work.

this poem’s put an exciting twist on one of shakespeare’s most famous plays; most regard romeo & juliet as a romance tale of two “star-cross’d lovers”, but love at first sight is rarely truly heard of in these times & so from a modern perspective it allows us to wonder if the pair really were in love, or if it were a moment of foolish infatuation or lust. looking into such musings, i feel that you’ve done shakespeare’s piece great justice, although i also understand that this piece may not be entirely based on romeo & juliet & instead you’re using their relationship as a comparison for your, or your narrator’s, own. either way, it was definitely effective. (:

the concept of using two differing viewpoints – i’m assuming they’re the same person & one is what is said aloud & the other is the true feeling kept inside – makes interesting reading. it’s identifiable to say one thing & mean another, & where the thoughts have betrayed the real emotions (especially during the rosaline stanza) the narrator’s heartache, suspicion, envy & possibly even hatred becomes blaringly apparent, & as a reader i feel for her deeply. i love how without the bracketed lines it’s seems like a confession of love & longing, but the contradictory parenthesised lines give everything a whole new depth.

your method of formatting is striking, i love how it’s not just the words that you’ve decided to bold but the brackets themselves as well – it really draws attention to what really is important & honest. i also like the dashes & how they begin with the false romantic gesture but then lead on to the reality.

“quixotic voice” & “delicate eulogies” demonstrate your use of the english language, & quite frankly both examples sound really pleasant & poetic, so quit your worrying. (: i adore your play on “sweet nothings” & how you’ve made the notion entirely bittersweet, & the reference to the breaking light expresses juliet’s frustration with her romeo perfectly. last but not least, the last line is wonderful; i especially like how you’ve emphasised the “less”. (:

there’s not really anything i can criticise. there are a few spelling errors, but they’re dismissible (“gone far to long” should be “gone far too long” & “you’re sweet tune” should be “your sweet tune” but everyone messes up to/too & your/you’re once in a while). i was thrown off a bit by the ‘r’ in rosaline being capitalised at first, seeing that everything else was in lower case – even romeo’s name. but then it kind of makes sense – the body of this poem is displaying a disgust for romeo so it would seem sensible if his name was stripped of it’s upper cased initial. alternatively maybe the narrator felt that rosaline deserved a capitalised ‘r’. or maybe it was just the autocorrect function that microsoft word has. :P

all in all, a big thumbs up. (: i enjoyed it a lot, & hope to see more of your poetry soon!

(oh, & sorry if i sound like a pompous twat, that’s not me at all haha. (:

i like giving structured reviews & i have an exam in english literature & language soon so it makes great practice.

also, my review speaks of how i see & think of the poem, please don’t think that i’m trying to tell you that i know it better than you the author; the poem just really engrossed me. :P)

xx

very good. i liked it a alot and anyone who knows romeo and juliet would get the refrences. well done