i liked it... very interesting poem. nice job :)

Definitely an intriguing piece, I like your style. This is a great poem, it flows very well, and I like the lack of punctuation - usually I don't, but you've made it fit here (except for the last stanza - 'oh you're lying dead' sounded very abrupt. Adding just one comma: 'oh, your're lying dead' seems to adjust the flow nicely, though that's only in my opinion).

Interesting poem; I like the progression from peace to paranoia to (metaphorical?) death. But the last stanza pales in comparison to the previous ones. The flow isn't as smooth and it doesn't roll off the tongue like the first and second. Also, I think some punctuation could improve this poem too.

Keep writing!

marie

kinda ironic...

I like the last verse.