I decided to write my feedback on your "constructive criticism" somewhere where you might actually read it. I do appreciate your suggestions, they were in fact helpful. But just as the person who reviewed this story of yours said, I do believe those "boring bits of background information" are sometimes very necessary. without it how do you become attached to any of the characters or understand what their going trough (ex: The younger brother, Isaiah, in my story dies later on and i needed some type of emotional connection between the reader and Jessica's past and to have that connection one must actually know Jessica's past. I have had many people read this, including my aunt who is an English professor at the University of Florida, and all have(with the exception of a few of my grammatical errors aka: random capitalization lol) Thought Highly of my writing capability's. when I asked for criticism on my story I was merely asking for you're creative ideas on where to go next. There was no need for your ferocity. Although some of your tips were useful. Btw:This story is choppy and lacks the important adjectives that paint the story in a readers mind. But other than that your story is very...ok :) good luck

I enjoyed how you formatted your story. Usually a format like yours will be detrimental, and make the story hard to follow, but it really captures Billie's character well and moves the story along easily. Nicely done!

The only thing I think you may need a little more of is background information - the boring stuff that is absolutely necessary to the story. Most readers will need a general idea of what the character's surroundings are, so as to better picture the scene.

Your dialogue is believable and flows nicely, and each character has a clear and defined voice. The story line is interesting and from the beginning, pulls the reader (me!) in and makes me want to continue.

Be aware of your sentence phrasing so that they're not short and choppy. I understand that it's being used for emphasis when you do it, but it gets redundant. Just be cognizant of that as you continue, and maybe thin it out a little in what you've already written.

All in all, you've got a great start. Keep at it and it can only get better. Good luck and keep writing!