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Reviews For: Fragments: Haiku - Reviews: Page 1 of 3
simpleplan13 2009-05-23 . chapter 8
I don't like the repetition of new in the second and third line. Haikus are so short that repetition is usually awkward sounding, at least in my opinion. I think you could call it an old tune since the wind whispers it every night and then you'd have a nice contrast.

Also, you don't need the comma after wind.

I like the personification of Wind though. It's a nice touch.

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simpleplan13 2009-05-23 . chapter 7
You change tenses. You go from present (is wanting) to past (could not). I think you should change it to "But cannot have it"

I like the idea here though. That's not something that would immediately come to mind if I was asked to think of something sad, but it is very true.
simpleplan13 2009-05-23 . chapter 6
"Depress and hopeless, I’m gone"... Depressed. I know that doesn't fit into the syllable count, but that's the correct form so it sounds forced as is.

I love the last line though, it sounds really desperate, which is very fitting. It's a great description of failure, nice job.

PS Check out the Review Game and/or the Review Marathon (links in my profile).
LittleLoser.OfTheRebellion 2009-05-15 . chapter 15
And so the spring comes...
Yuki Nabe 2009-05-15 . chapter 15
Quite cute I think.

- Yuki
AliceAnimeLover 2009-05-15 . chapter 15
Yes, spring is coming.. Nice Haiku
LittleLoser.OfTheRebellion 2009-05-11 . chapter 14
seems that it is scene after an exhausting and tiring day
AliceAnimeLover 2009-05-11 . chapter 14
Great Haiku
The description is great
(^_^)
Yuki Nabe 2009-05-11 . chapter 14
Quite nice haiku, I like it.

But again the last line has one too much. It is hard to find something else here though.

- Yuki
LittleLoser.OfTheRebellion 2009-05-05 . chapter 13
"Because expectations makes the heart sick"...isn't it?
AliceAnimeLover 2009-05-03 . chapter 12
The haiku is nice...
Yah, it will be boring...
I like the ending...
It's good to use fire (^_^)
LittleLoser.OfTheRebellion 2009-05-03 . chapter 12
That's the thing which absolutely spice up everyone's interest. 'tis very realistic.
Yuki Nabe 2009-05-03 . chapter 12
Maybe a little to obvious choice of words but it gets the message across, usually I prefer ways to make my readers think about what I have written.

The last line has one syllabe to much.

- Yuki
LittleLoser.OfTheRebellion 2009-04-30 . chapter 11
It's way too deep I can't decipher half the meaning...
AliceAnimeLover 2009-04-30 . chapter 11
Nice Haiku~
I like how you use "glitters"

(^_^)
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