You should seriously consider getting this published. It's AMAZING this story!

We need more stories and books like this on the shelves to get lesbian fiction out into the open, as it seems quite tightly leashed currently. I know I will buy this if I ever see it in a shop. :P

As for my critic of the story, you should work a bit more when describing people. You pay attention to the hair and eyes, but things like race and skin tone can't be ignored. It was confusing when Nick saw Dane's parents for the first time, as you don't really describe Dane as being out of the Caucasian norm. It kinda forces the reader to change their mental image of Dane, which would have been pretty well established already that far into the story.

It's not a major issue, but if I had to name a criticism, then that would be it.

I'm glad I managed to find this story, it was really worth reading. The criticism isn't anything greatly important, just something that could be worked on.

Thank you for writing, I'll enjoy reading more of your work. :)

I loved this story with a passion and can't wait to get to the sequel.

I loved this whole story and it was really well written.

The characters were very origonal and who couldn't love Danny and Nick? lol

I almost didn't review. But, ne, hopefully the sequel is okay, or maybe more teasing in chapters. Quite elusive. But good last chapter. :D

I would finish this story within a day, but I'm afraid breaks are needed, and education is a nessessity. :\

Damn, SL, why next time? Dane's goin' to break a promise? What is it?

Doing drugs?

Not cherishing her enough?

Those other vows?

Fuck. You know when to stress. :)

Oh, -chuckle- I'm so happy for them. Gomen, my chuckle feels strangled. 'Cause I'm crying for God's sake! TT Damn, you sure know how to handle it to them. :) By 'them', I mean us readers. :)

Suspicious! Awll, what the fuck is Dane doin' now? * T*, *-*! Ah! Darn it, this "new" Dane better be...'better' than the "old one". *!

ohh, well...I just hope it doesn't come to that, a Mina thought: There just has to be something there, or she concluded. :) Now...there is something there, the attraction takes time. Especially when you hit that stage where you too over-aware of the body pressed against you, or in your view.

Believe me, it happens. ;)

Now that is something dramatic. Not overly so, no melodrama, but a good amount. Now...when is the romance... or love? :) The next chappie betta be good.

... :D still intriguing..!

you're awesome. :D

It's REALLY interesting. And the flow of the story is moving alright. The characters seem...original too. And their personalities...? Hmm, I guess I'll find out. ;)

so far I like the story, but it seems you've got a few issues with tenses. you might come and take a second look at your first chappie here and read it quietly to yourself. You'll see what I'm talking about straight away I'm sure. Otherwise, good job

oh and "Special" by Mew and "Trouble" by Coldplay matched this ENTIRE chapter, i swear. Loved it, the soundtrack. :)