you have a fantastic way of ending your poems...

"can you taste these words i scream?"

terribly amazing.

A little rambling, a little self-indulgent, but at the same time I can see your potential in this poem. You need to get away from cliche thoughts and images - if you turn them on their heads and make them concrete and real, it'll be much more satifying for you, and much less like parroting.

Good luck growing. :)

Jules

Intense! You go toward a lot of harcore emotions and images in this. It really is intense, for lack of a better word.

First you paint this picture of a happy, playful, dasical love story. Your detail is very strong, by the way.

The end turns into this heartbreaking cavilcade of dark secrets and accusations. You have a lot of talent young lady, keep it up.

Much love,

Juliet.