I find Selune adorable, and Kyle is an interesting character. While he seems like the typical fill-in-the-blank Hero in the beginning, he begins to take on a bit more substance with each chapter. I'm afraid I don't know enough about the other characters to give a decent impression of them, though I think that Tira is a bit of a whiner. I like how you didn't give him instant uberpower, though it's implied that later he -will- have a great deal of power as he wins over each of the women.

I like the world you've created as well--it is unique. However, I'd suggest that while Fern is observing and making mental comments about the festivals in the Empire, you may want to consider having her make more comparison than, "but that isn't how -we- do it", so to speak. Also, the addition of the katana is a bit grating. You might like the style of the blade, but this world does not include Japan. Please come up with another name.

An interesting story, though, and worth continuing.

:) CD

this has a subtle creepy erotic subtext that makes everything uncomfortable. Your main character is an obvious author self-placement with a silly set of morals in place of a character. The female characters always throwing themselves at him but he is too honorable to accept their advances. It feels like stephanie meyer's twilight for dudes. And i mean that in the worst possible way.

well in the next chap would you give a bit more detail on the rune power he has and what the necklace fern has does since its obviously magical

sorry for the wait for the review was looking at new animes the first chapter is good I rather liked how the monster was described it let my imagination run wild with it. the second chapter I was amused by 2 things the name for the main char's wasn't cyrus rather liked that one and the second is the multi women angle bit diff from your reg style so it grabbed my interest a bit more then usual all in all was worth the wait thanks for the heads up in my e-mail

Chapter One –


- The beast needs to be described more, because you’re giving your readers a very vague image. Is it catlike? Bearlike? Does it normally walk on four legs? Is it furry or reptilian? I got the image that it was large, but that was it. More detail on him would make the introduction much better. Your readers are visual creatures, after all. :P

- “Eccentric but very rich uncle who'll leave you his whole estate if you can figure out where he's hiding before the week is out?” This made me smile, LOL.

- Overall, a very nice introduction paragraph, but you could do well with explaining the world a bit more, and describing the places in it.



Chapter Two –

- Not quite as good as the first chapter, IMO, but quite alright. I’m not sure I like the system of “sharing” the witches, but hey, it makes it different.

- The last paragraph seemed kind of thrown in there at the last second… I don’t know if you’d like to elaborate on it or what, but it’s confusing also.


Overall this is a pretty promising story. It’s not exactly what I expected, but it’s pretty good nonetheless. You’re doing a great job, and I hope you continue with it. ^^

~ The Whispering White Raven