I haven't read the first Define Human yet, but I can say from just these two chapters that I want to keep reading and see what happens, to find out what the liquid does and why it would get the people who are experimenting with Xeno arrested. I assume from your summary that it has to do with genetics, but I can't wait to see what it actually does.

wow, this story is very good. i like the way it begins, the descriptions and the dialoge. the ending was great, and left me wondering what happen next in the story.

Haven't read the original, but this is good. more please!

HOLY SHIT I'M ACTUALLY REVIEWING! i know, i know, took me long enough ] but hey, it took you months to update. this was payback P on to the actual review...nice chapter! going back to the Xeno dude huh? and once again, you don't give us a single hint as to what the hell is happening P GO WRITE!

I think maybe in this story you have a habit of putting in words you dont need. i.e. "things beyond his limited control."

Its a bit obvious what he CAN control is limited.

That and maybe you'd consider rewording some of your narrative?

these are the only problems that glare at me, other than its fun to read.

I enjoy how you put the "rules" or the messages from the mysterious people who are holding him some distance apart. it makes the discourse much more interesting.

the slow revelation of whats going on also draws in interest.

im going to assume you were planning on writing more? cos that doesnt seem to resolve the story.

also :P I noticed:

" "Oh.” It was the first word he’d spoken all day. "

doesn't add up with :

" “So what’s the problem?” he asked, splaying crumbs over her work. "

that came earlier. Not a big problem. I used to do this kind of thing all the time. It's usually just a symptom of not reading over your work before submitting it.

the blinking of the camera is pretty effective in regards to portraying the boys isolation and its a nice way of introducing his feelings.

I wouldnt be using the present tense stuff as much though; I found it disrupted the flow a little?

First off, I have not read the first Define Human piece, and this is my first time reviewing your work, so consider yourself getting a new mind in the swarm.

Pointers of chap 1 and 2

-They were short. Not that bad to read. If the first is merely a prologue, then I can forgive it for its short and relatively punctual end.

-The prologue/chap 1 gives enough indication that this is either an imprisonment setup, or a test facility/cage. Either way, the setting did achieve its work.

-Chapter 2 is longer, which is good. We are given the character's name. I suppose it has been given away, but I am assuming that he is a 'lab rat' in more ways than one, including literally, right?

-The details were nice, and gives off a sense of the situation they were in. We got a good sense of the individuality of the characters (3) presented, but I would like if you can put more than just that into your next chapters.

-A bit more input of the setting, the characters' emotions, and although most would already perceive everything since they probably read the first version, I am speaking of this from a new speaker's view. Put a bit more depth into them so as to better drag new readers into it further. It always helps :)

-Lastly, it's intrigued me somewhat; I'd like to see how much of the bio-engineering and genetic alteration into play. Surprise me, won't you? ;)

Kagami

Two words: LOVE IT.

Could you be any better at making us want more? .

Yee, I love it! Well, I don't love that Xeno is being scientifically abused, but I suppose that adds to the dark feel. You’re rocking the dark feel. What I find really amazing is that I can actually /see/ everything, and everything seems alive and dead at the same time, like that camera character and the scientist's lethal nails.

I like the IV bracelet idea. People normally strap the subject to a table and do things the old fashioned way, with a needle and some vinyl tubing. But this gives the impression they might actually be thinking of the subject, and want him to be able to move around while they're pumping forget-juice into his system. I get that same vibe from the scientist, that she’s totally evil but she might be looking out for Xeno in an off-hand kind of way. I overanalyze things. It’s in my nature.

And the Mickey Mouse pen is awesome, just because it is really out of place! The security guard really lightens things up too. Munchmunchmunch. "Oh." Haha, good chapter! Dark with deadpan humor, I love it!

holy shitake mushrooms this is good. ok that was an understatement this is amazing! there are not words that can describe how amazing this chapter was, so im not even gonna try. and so it took you a really long time to write - to please monika i wont be mean! - but it was so good and definitely worth the wait!

so ive got a few questions for ya, katie-kins: 1. who's elizabeth? 2. what does xeno know that will get them arrested? 3. what's on the IV bracelet? 4. what's gonna happen next? and 5. what the heck does poignantly mean?

ok so ignore the last question. i know what it means but i was just trying to prove a point... which is that you need to tone down the vocabulary of imbeciles like me! ok just kidding, you sound soo smarticle with all those 10 dollar words. and that makes you better writer, blah blah blah and on with all those compliments you know that i rarely give out.

well ignoring that last one i expect all my questions answered in the next chapter! i cant stand it when people write and dont give anything away! only im allowed to do that! hahah

so you better get right on it and keep writing. i expect answers and i dont wanna wait long for them! im already getting impatient! its summer so homework is not an excuse. go write! now! please? (my attempt at being nice). ok so stop reading these stupid reviews and write! now! (or else!) ]

I can't really tell if this is better or not, but I can't wait to read it. Is it who I think it is?

kate kate kate..ikins...you posted a new story! and on the anniversary? that's cool. *cough corny cough* hahahahaha jkjkjk ] well, this one seems completely different but totally completely awesome! i like this prologue better than the last one. more...i dunno, enrapturing? giving less info? but jeez, why's he depressed? insanity is awesome ] though i guess boredom isn't...

and hey, if I'm not alowed to scorn myself, so aren't you! you might say it's crappy because you're modest but deep down you know you love it ] so update as soon as you can. now. no threats this time cuz i wanna defy Jaime ] so just to get on her nerves, you take your sweet time in writing!

...actually no, this is too interesting. HURRY THE HELL UP! how about i make you a deal; the day I post or the day after, you better have another one up. oh wait nvm, that leaves you with a few months...damn. just WRITE! why are you still reading this? go!

I wouldn't dare yell at you for being the author of this very well-written prologue! Honestly, it's even better than the drama of Nightwing's prologue, what with the delicious gloom and imagery here. Already I like this boy. He's got all the qualities of a huggable lab-rat-child. The camera seems like a character too, which is an odd concept. Oh! I get it! It's "Define Human" and the camera shows human qualities... Sweetness.

So write again soon! I'll be looking forward to chapter one! :)

It's really not that bad. In fact, it's quite good:) You're too hard on yourself. I haven't read the first version, but it sounds really interesting. I'm really excited to see where you take this:)

Write on!

Hey, Maplewing! Not sure if I reveiwed before, but I am now!

I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed what you had of "Define human", and so far the rewrite is very compelling. I can't wait to see how this turns out. I'll give a more helpfull reveiw when I have a bit more to work with, but so far it's looking great. I'm going to enjoy reading this in the future.

Good luck.-YoshiLink