this is different
but it's interesting and i like it
more please?! wanna know what happens next!

Hey I just read your story Bound and am really liking it.
I hope you post more chapters soon!
Later

Really really good
Write more!

Great story and awesome detail! >> the Davoli is a bastard and I can't wait to see what this Lord of theirs is like. YAY continue!

this is excellent. has she been raped yet? ciao, love becky x

Nice work. Starting with what's working: You write well (good word uses and description), good pacing, and organization. The dialogue was done right as well. Was able to get a good feel of each speaker's personality and dialect.

For advice, I'd start the story right here:

He was the one who stepped forward, ready to speak for the others in the village. “What is your purpose in this village?”

Second, I would name the lieutenant right away. Since he's the main character you're using (atleast in the beginning) you can start out by just calling him Lieutenant Davoli.

And the last problem is the changing of point of view. Like in first person, the narrator has the eyes, ears, and thoughts of the main character.

So stick with one character, whether it be Casey or Davoli and mention only his or her thoughts and feelings alone.

If you truly need to switch point of views or characters to concentrate on, you can do it after an elipses (the "..." thing). But you'll need to stick to that character's thoughts, sights, and feelings until the next elipses or chapter.

Hope that helps. Feel free to ask if you have any questions about that and good job.